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I know he treats me badly, so why do I still have feelings for him and keep coming back for more?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 March 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 6 March 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, *ujubie writes:

I have been sleeping with this guy for a year now. It has been on and off and he has gone back with his ex gf for part of it and so we weren't together then. So right now I'm laying in his bed but he's not here. He's at her house and I heard so much shit from him last week about how she's a coke head and she's moving away. But I feel like shit that he 1. Lied to me and told me he was going to his families house for the day 2. Told me That she's having sex with her drug dealer for money 3. That she's a cheating whore and treats him like shit. 4. He doesn't want anything to do with her. Anyways I want to find the courage to stop seeing him. She gets into his head and he in turn treats me like shit and makes me feel horrible about myself like I'm not good enough for what he wants. It so frustrating. I feel like crap and even though he's a douche bag I still have feelings for him.

View related questions: ex girlfriend, his ex, money

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012):

Write a list of the qualities you want in man. Read the list each day. Forget about the loser, and focus on your future happiness with a decent man who cares about and loves you.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (5 March 2012):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntNot unusual. Women love douchebags because they are challenges and projects that need putting together, have unpredictable behavior, and have a bad attitude that is mistaken for confidence. First, leave his bed. Second, tell him firmly on the phone or in person youre finished and list your reasons without emotion. Stick to your guns. Then, tell him no more contact at all whatsoever. If only it were that simply done right? have some self respect.

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A female reader, Okies Nepal +, writes (5 March 2012):

get a counsellor to help you.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (5 March 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou know he mistreats you and yet there you are in his bed waiting for him to return from the woman he really cares about…. YOU give him a lot of power… “he treats me like shit and makes me feel horrible” NO sweetie YOU LET HIM make you feel bad. YOU are giving him so much power that you don’t’ have to give him….

I have feelings for lots of folks, it does not mean I have to let them mistreat me or use me for their purposes.

So what do you need from him to make you so angry that you finally kick him to the curb? Does he have to hit you? He’s hitting you emotionally right now…. He’s abusing you emotionally… what do you need an actual black eye?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (5 March 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI think you're missing an important opportunity here. You write: "... I feel like shit that he 1. Lied to me and told me he was going to his families house for the day 2. Told me That she's having sex with her drug dealer for money 3. That she's a cheating whore and treats him like shit. 4. He doesn't want anything to do with her. "

The "opportunity" is to CORRECT the reason that you feel like sh*t. The REAL reason that you "feel like sh*t" is because you are behaving like an IDIOT, and you KNOW that this guy is taking advantage of you.... AND YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!

IF you "do something about it"... THEN you will stop "feeling like sh*t." I GUARANTEE IT!!!!!

Good luck...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012):

Why are you clinging on to someone who doesnt love you? Are you scared of being alone? But you are alone, in his bed when he is in someone elses. He is a messed up individual who wants to be with someone who doesnt really want him. Does it sound familiar?

You are both chasing what you cant have in hope that your love will win them round, real life doesnt work that way. Only in chick flicks it happens. I know it hurts to leave someone you love but if you stay you will have more heartache in the long run.

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