A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I there is a guy at work that I really like! I don't know what to do because he has a girlfriend so I know there is no chance we can't be together but that doesn't stop me hoping all the time. We spend a lot of time together and I have been through a lot in the past few months which has been really hard for me but he has been there for me through it all. He is an amazing shoulder to cry on and always knows how to cheer me up and make me laugh and feel better about things. Its got to the point where I wait for his messages everyday and just a simple message from him never fails to put a smile on my face.I am stuck here I don't know what to do I know there is no chance we can ever be together because he has a girlfriend but I can't cut him out of my life because he is a really good friend and I don't want to loose him.Any help or advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated, thank you in advance x
View related questions:
at work, has a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): You say you've been through a lot and he was a good shoulder to cry on...I think you, knowing he had a gf, should have told your problems to someone else rather than a man you were crushing on and aware of his relationship status. Most guys are completely oblivious to how their friendly actions can perhaps lead a woman on, others know full well and like the attention. Either way, I am sure you had other friends outside of work who might have been more appropriate to talk to.
Also, work colleagues are work colleagues and it's always worth keeping that professional boundary. You shouldn't go to work to share your life problems and chat you should be there to do you job. I might sound like a complete meanie but whilst I can have a great time at work with my colleagues, and we can have fun work nights out, I would never divulge too much of my personal life - otherwise there's no separation from work and personal life.
Stop texting as much, stop sharing too much of your life and pull back gradually. Start focusing your attention on other things and other people because you're leading yourself into either dangerous territory or heartbreak. If he's a decent guy he won't be cheating on his gf for you, if he's willing to cheat with you then he is an asshole and again this will break your heart when he doesn't chose you and paints you out to be a bit on the side.
You consider him a good friend but you're always going to want more, some people are friends in our lives forever and others seem to flow in and out. I know you don't want to lose him but you need to back off so you can stop having feelings for him. Imagine if he was your bf and some girl at work was after him...you'd feel a bit let down by a fellow woman that she can't step back...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): He may be a very good friend to him but YOU are not a very good friend for him.
The fact that you have feelings for him, that you recieve his texts in an intimate way, that you 'hope' for more makes you a very very bad friend FOR HIM. I'm sure you are a very good person and lovely, but just it is not a good idea for you to stay as close as you are right now.
If his partner knew what is in your head and heart do you think she would be happy for your friendship to carry on as it is? What you are doing is acting like a wolf in sheep's clothing. He likes you as a friend and they have both respected you enough to trust that you respect their relationship. Because of how you feel about him, you will start to text him more and become more emotionally reliant on him than appropriate and potentially cause a problem for them.
Would a good friend do that? No? The nicest thing you can do for him is keep your distance. Be civil and nothing more.
I wish you well in life and in love.
I'm sure you're a lovely person but be kind and life will be kind to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): Timing can be dreadful. You think you found Mr. Right, and he is involved. What do you do? Here's what you do, wait for your Mr. Charming; and release some of the hope you have about you two. His girlfriend must be amazing, because you haven't mention him being unhappy. Fact is even if him and his girlfriend breakup---you will still have the friend title. Despite how rumor has it most co-workers and mutual friends do not make good relationships. Is he texting you only about work? Because if he as crossed the line in any way than there is a red flag...that he is a cheater, girl. Enjoy his smile, enjoy work related conversations, enjoy his attractiveness, but eliminate the hope for something more.If I leave you with any advice that sticks DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM NOT NOW AND ESPECIALLY NOT IN THE FUTURE. Because you are worth more than a quick lay and a reference bound screw.
...............................
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (18 January 2015):
You already have your answer. He is a friend to you. Seriously, not ever care is romantic. You can simply love someone as a friend and you might be reading too much into it.
You need to move on. Try not thinking about it.
...............................
|
