A
female
age
41-50,
*1983
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been in a long distance relationship with a guy for the past year. It's been going great but we have reached the point where we are both missing each other and seeing each other weekends is not enough. We are looking to move in together but have hit a problem.I have an elderly mother who is a widow since my dad passed away a year ago. I'm an only child and although her health is good now, I need to be able to get back to arrange her care, look after her properties (she's a landlord) etc when the time comes. For the past year I have juggled supporting mum into single life 3 hours away from me, with travelling to boyfriend another 3 hours in the opposite direction, and trying to keep up with work and friends in my own city. I have suggested to boyfriend that anywhere within 3 hours drive is fine as that would allow me to get back around work and our own life. I don't expect him to move into my house and he doesn't like my city anyway so that is fine. I have been travelling to his most weekends to help make the relationship work but am now thinking this was a mistake as he has got used to a good thing. But, he currently lives over 5 hours away. He wants me to move to his house. He has suggested we could then move yet again to be closer mum. That means moving jobs and house twice. I fear that if I move to his he will never move.Cupid, I'm unsure how to best handle this situation. I'm aware it's a big ask for him to move for us to be together and I really love this guy and want to be with him. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2015): you have been working damned hard to keep this relationship alive and the boyfriend wants you in his home all to himself but this is a big upheaval for you as you have family members to consider so i suggest you take your time with the decision until you feel it is overwhelmingly right for you because it is not a marriage proposal,it is more a matter of convenience.It may seem very sound on the surface but as it requires you to make a lot of changes it is something i would think over carefully.I think you need to see if mum could manage alone and if she has an adequate support system with friends and neighbours then i assume the boyfriend would mean returning to your home when mum is older,but it is difficult to underztand your life other than it involves a hell of a lot of driving and that can become draining.Its not all about the mileage though. You need an absolute certainty that hes the one for you before you cut the miles out..so sound him out a bit about future intentions A long running friends with benefits situation isnt the change you are looking for is it...i imagine youre wanting a bit more comittment ..so perhaps the boyfriend has to put a bit more work in before he pops the question..then it would be a joint life protected by law etc with the possibility of children..fwb in same house has no legal protection.
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