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female
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*ineapple
writes: I previously posted this as a question and got some great feedback, however the situation has since moved on and now I need new advice:"I have been with my boyfriend for six years. I am now 21. Recently we have been going through a bad patch (about 3 months now) and I've been at uni so have had a chance to see there's more to life than struggling with a bad relationship. I still love him, but is that enough in this case? I'm scared I'll get hurt again, and I'm scared I'll make the wrong decision."Now: I've been on holiday with a girly mate, and I kissed two guys while over in Spain. At the time I was excited and knew what I was doing. When I returned, reality hit me and I felt terrible. This guy is amazing and didn't deserve that. We'd both done bad things, but we've always got over it. Now I'm stuck because I think we could get through this eventually, but I'm not sure it's what either of us want totally, or should do. I mean there must be a reason I cheated? I feel like we're two different people now, with no trust. Is it just our pasts holding us together?
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female
reader, pineapple +, writes (17 April 2006):
pineapple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, so now he says he wants me back, regardless of what i've done. I do love him, and i know he feels the same. We have been acting like a couple, we grew up together so its hard to change anything. We see each other all the time, are still intimate, but yet we are officially not together, free to see other people. I feel this will only lead to bad things?
A
female
reader, pineapple +, writes (16 April 2006):
pineapple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much, i will keep you updated. its nice to have some honest and blunt advice. really appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (15 April 2006):
 If he was "the one" you would know by now, he is definatly not "the one" and I suspect you will have a lot of relationships before you find the true one, if indeed you ever do and most of us dont but we have a lot of fun and sometimes heartache trying to find the ever ellusive "one".
Yes six years is a long time but if you stay with him for another 6 years and they turn out to be miserable years you will have wasted six years when you could have been happy and may have missed out on someone who was more compatable.
You need to think this through and just make up a decision to stay or not to stay and then to stick to it, which ever you decide will feel bad at first and yes you will worry if the decision was the right one but your instinct in these things is usually right so go with it.
Face facts, you have cheated and liked it, what is to stop you cheating again.
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A
female
reader, pineapple +, writes (15 April 2006):
pineapple is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut im scared of ending it, i love him and six years is a long time. what if i make the wrong decision? it would be the biggest mistake of my life, he may be the one.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (15 April 2006):
This is an easy one to answer, you your self have all but answered, you have outgrown each other and that is that.
Time to finish it and move on, you have kissed two blokes and you enjoyed it, this tells you that you are ready for a new man in your life.
Get out of your comfort zone, finish it and find new challenges, new friends and maybe a new relationship, this one has gone sour.
If you dont get out soon you will both hurt each other, you may possibly even cheat on him or him on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2006): If you're driven to sabotage your own relationship, maybe you should stop going about it in such a roundabout way and just end it. Everything your describing here sounds like you've basically made up your mind to dump this guy and are just waiting - WAITING - for the blessing on some online advice columnist to absolve you of the guilt of breaking up. Just go for it. A clean break is always in good taste, and can even turn bad relationships into good friendships if pulled off well.
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