| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: OOps I kissed my friend who is also my boyfriends best friend.I feel awful, but part of me doesnt because my relationship with my boyfriend has been unhappy for a while, mainly because of the usual things,money problems, intimacy issues, and other family members problems getting in between us etc etc. I try really hard to be reasonable and am a big believer in honesty, lots of open communication and plenty of affection. Which is hard for my boyfriend to understand becuase affection makes him uncomfortable.I have told my boyfriend about it.This thing has made him realise he has to make more effort with me which I have been asking for, for a long time.Ive been having my own stuff to worry about so when my friend showed me affection (when I had been drinking) I went along with it. He is to blame and so am I. It got quite intimate in an emotional not just in a sexy way althought the kissing went further than just on the mouth. I have been really close to this friend of mine and even to the extent that I have told him that I was sexually abused as a child. I know he thinks highly of me, and I need people in my life who show me alot of love. Aaarrg I feel like a sad desperate attention seeking wimp and I know that has always been a problem in my relationships. My boyfriend (of 3 years) is now finally listening to the things I have asked of him so in a way this has been a good thing for us but I now have to keep this to myself which I am finding very difficult. There are loads of occiasons where we all are together and although I feel like I can cope, Im really concerned about my boyfriends self esteem, I know he secretly is affected. Even though last year he talked about me seeking my affection needs from someone else ( I think to save him the effort and he admits he likes my flirting and gets a kick out of it)If I talk to my friends about this it will affect alot of people in a negative way about us all and I think it will make everything worse. So I am a bit stuck with the guilt and not sure how to handle it. Can we have a future with this betrayal? Can we look back on this as a learning thing? How can I regain my boyfriends trust in me?I know kissing isnt much to some people but it feels like alot in my relationship, especially because I have a flirty nature and thats part of what my partner likes in me. Im scared that next time im low and depressed and drunk it will go too far.Eeks what does anyone think?Any replies are welcomelol x
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, drunk, flirt, kissing, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 March 2006):
The fact that you feel guilty shows that your not a evil or bad person! which is good!!! don't be to hard on yourself, although what you did will probably triger some bad emotions between you, your bf,and the guy friend.
First off my answer to your question 'can we have a future with this betrayal'. Yes it is possible!!! But it depends on you, your bf and the friend.
First off you need to really thingk whether or not you want to fix this and do you want to stay with your bf? It seemed to me at the first part of the letter you were having doubts, i mean that is the reason why u cheated in the first place because you weren't getting affection in your relationship.
But just to clear things up, are you saying that he is NOW starting to show you more affection? So thats good but then you feel so guilty and don't want to conitne a relationship with these bad feelings inside.
I think you should deffintly tell him. Because if you don't he could sooo find out and even if you hide it well, there will always be that FEAR and fear is a n awful thing...its better to get it out in the open. Atleast that way you have SOME control on how he find outs, where and when.
So after figuring out whether you want to work on this or not, tell hi mwhat happened and how you feel. Then take things from there.
You need to talk about the issue of why you did it in the first place. Tell him what yo uwant out of the relationship again and even if u have to ,give him detailed ways on how to do what you want. And get him to do the same thing to. Ask him what he wants. This is so, you both get what you want and wont go looking outside the relationship.
good luck, i hope i helped somehow.
A
female
reader, bod +, writes (10 March 2006):
hi will i try and talk to you friend but if it going to affect alot of pepole then i would just kept it to youself.hope you will find the answer you are looking for.
...............................
|
