A
male
age
41-50,
*orbandallas
writes:I'm going to try to keep this brief as possible. I asked out this Korean girl at a restaurant I frequent for lunch while working. We went out, she was pretty nervous because her english isn't that great. We walked around, talked, had dinner and went to an improv comedy show. I came to really like her.She had a blast at the comedy show, and let me put my arm around her. She even cuddled up to me.So afterwards we we're talking and she agreed to have dinner with me sometime next week. When I dropped her off I kissed her good night. This is were things go south...She looked shocked, so asked her if she was ok. She said it was too quick, and that this wasn't apart of korean culture. I was a little embarrassed, and I could see she was quite upset. I apologized, I said I'm learning. Then I said have a good night, and I will call you next week. She said ok.That was Saturday. I called her Tuesday, she rarely answers, I think because she's shy to talk on the phone so I always text her after. So I sent her a text asking how her day was. It's wednesday now, and no response.Obviously she's upset. Can anyone provide me with some advice as to what to do. I quite like her. Maybe someone from Korean decent could provide me with some insight.I felt so bad the very next day I went out and bought a book on Korean custom. I read the whole thing the same day. I was thinking of heading over to the restaurant and apologizing, show her the book, just to let her know I'm sincere and want to get to know her.Thanks.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Look, what I am going to say is politically incorrect,but :
she is a Korean LIVING IN CANADA. It's up to her keeping informed , and in touch with , the culture /uses/habits of her host country.
She has no obligations to adopt them, and she can keep her own, but she should drop the " I am shocked and offended " act. You were in good faith, you apologized sincerely, you are willing to do things her way ... that's more than nice enough , there is no need for all this song and dance about the episode. It would be like a Muslim immigrant feeling "offended " because European women don't wear a veil ! ( A tiny minority actually are .. and this is obviously THEIR problem, not the unveiled women's )
If you are really SOn much
into this girl, you could wait a few days, and explain her once again that YOUR dating etiquette is different but you are willing to embrace the Korean way , but if she keeps
cold shouldering you, then just let her go,maybe it just wasn't in the cards...
A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (16 June 2011):
 I would go let her know by text that you want to speak with her and that you will be stopping by on friday. You don't want to be there when she is working though. When you tell her this she will either tell you no in which case it is best to think of something else or she will give you some other time to meet her.
Apologize by saying that you are sorry that it was such a shock to her. Tell her how you feel about her and that you had the best intentions about your actions. Then explain that you would like to get to know her and her customs.
The trouble is getting to see her in the first place then I'm sure things will go well.
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A
male
reader, corbandallas +, writes (15 June 2011):
corbandallas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow do I go about apologizing? She won't answer my calls. I could text her, but I'd rather speak to her in person. I was thinking this Friday I would go down to the restaurant around the time she gets off and ask to speak to her. What do you think?
I want to give her a little space, rather than hound her. We went out Saturday, I called and texted her Tuesday. It's now Wednesday, and I haven't contacted her again.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (15 June 2011):
It is true that it is out of their culture to do that sort of thing and she may have very strict parents. A friend of mine is really big into korean culture but the thing is that what you are talking about is very traditional. My thoughts are that she was brought up very traditional and does not know what is right when seeing someone since tradition is mostly based on what is wrong when seeing someone. It contributes alot to the nervousness she experiences.
I think that an apology would be very nice to show that you care for her. Instead of showing the book start with some info that you know and get her talking about her background. You can tell her you really like her and would like to know. The best way to do this is to show that you are a gentleman who will honour and respect her families traditions. This way she can open up to you and you two can build more of a relationship.
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