A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi i broke up with my boyfriend about a month agoas i didnt have the same feelings for him i was with him for 5 years. i was with im since i was 16 and he's 6 years older. Hes a great person and i wish my feelings were the same i wish i could force myself to love him the same.i realized this when i started having feelings for a guy at work for months before i broke up with my boyfriend. ive since kissed him and really like him but i dont want to jump into a relationship with him as i dont know if my feelings will change for my ex.i told him this after each time i kissed him i just cant help myself around him ive tried to stop a as i dont want to hurt him if my feelings change for my ex.i think he wants to have a relationship and as much as i like him and would have a relationship with him i dont want to start something now until i know ive done the right thing with my ex. i know it seems im trying to have the best of both worlds but i thought if i kissed him it might make me realize what my ex means to me but it didnt i just wanted this guy more.ive become depressed because of all this i dont know what to do hopefully someone can help
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 December 2008):
 Well if you have been with your ex for 5 years it is only natural to doubt your decision to end things but the fact that you did it in the first place shows that there were problems and that you were not happy anymore. Stick with your decision, it sounds like you have done the right thing as you cant force your feelings.
With the other guy, I would be careful that your feelings are not just a re-bound sort of thing where you just miss having a man in your life and he is the best thing that has come along so far.
The right thing to do for you and your ex would be to stay out of any relationships for a few months, give yourself some time to be on your own and at the same time it shows your ex that you have some respect for him and the time you spent together. How would you feel if he jumped into a relationship with a new girl?
I know it seems like you want this new guy at the moment but it is just the newness that is exciting you, not him. The best thing to do is spend time getting used to being single and doing all the things you love rather than getting into another serious relationship.
I have made that very mistake, I was 15 when I met my first boyfriend and since him I have been in and out of serious relationships for the past 6 years. Now i'm 21 I wish I could just be single and spend some time on my own being myself and not having to worry about another person in my life. Do the right thing and enjoy being young, dont rush into something new!
Good luck!
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