A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my wife have had some trouble in our relationship which unfortunately is not being resolved. We have been separated for 5 months and she is back home in her country. I was away on a business trip and talked to a girl who worked at the hotel. We were chit chatting for a couple of weeks and then me, my friends, and her friends went out clubbing. I was really drunk when I got back to the hotel and when my friend left I was making out with this girl - but nothing more. Anyways, I told her that I liked her which at that time i was still drunk. Well eventually i went back home to my life and work and added her and her friends to my facebook. Well now i'm receiving msgs from profiles of people that i dont know, they have no pic, no friends, nothing, "I have a friend that has a friend who talked to her, and they told me you had an affair with her on a trip..." then they say they can keep it a secret. The fact is, i had no affair and it was a mistake in judgment since i was very drunk, my marriage is bad, and i made a mistake. My concern is i dont want them to start contacting my friends telling them that im a cheater or i had an affair - which never happened. The girl that it happened with doesnt make any mention of it, and neither do i. I know she obviously told people who are now contacting me. What should i do? What if my wife finds out?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Hey thanks ladies. Yeah, i did delete my connections to her and her friends since I feel its now a joint effort to cause me problems. I'm not getting to any resolution with my wife so i dont want to mention anything.
But at the same time, i do suspect in the writing style that it may be my wife writing me this stuff. But she found out so much details - and how?! I didnt have her on my facebook as a friend, maybe she was flipping through my friend list and noticed new names.
Yeah, i locked down everything on my facebook, my friends list, and now no one can send me a comment or add me as friend unless they are a friend of a friend.
I'm suprised that a girl would do that all of a sudden. She (or they) are trying to say that the whole world will know this dirty secret. As well, they keep asking if i'll go back to my wife! Weird. And also that they'll tell my parents - I'm 25 so its the last thing that I or they would care about.
My problem with my wife is a WHOLE other story based on jealousy and control, so I don't know if we'll be getting back together. I dont think she'll change (we've only been married a year and change).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): Delete your facebook you should have never added her friends if you didn't want to get caught, girls always like to start drama. Oh and it's not really an affair it was only a kiss and you are separated anyways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): You need to be honest. I don't know if the two of you are seperating in prep for divorce or seperating for alone time to make it work? If you are looking to make it work, don't start off on the wrong foot. Your lying foot. That's no way to win a woman over. If the two of you have no interest in getting back w/ each other, then so what, you had a good time, no damage done. I do suggest being honest if you want it to work though. The worst thing that could happen would be for her to hear it from someone else. Be true to yourself and to others around you, things will come together.
BTW, are you sure that your wife doesn't have some sort of idea already and it isn't her on facebook fishing for info? If your not sure, be prepared to tell the truth if she asks you about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): I would delete them from facebook and also, facebook has new privacy settings so it should make it harder for people to find you and your friends etc. You could tell your wife - it may be less harmful coming from you than if someone else does. Just a thought.
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