A
female
age
36-40,
*upcake
writes:I had written a post a few weeks ago about my boyfriends ex.. which was.. She emailed me and told me my boyfriend and her had been talking and that they were sleeping together.. I was furious.. Now I didnt believe her because shes been trying everything she can to get him back for the whole year we have been together, she has even hacked into all of his email accounts to try and send me messages from him and she has really just caused alot of problems... Now I did find out that he lied, and that he was talking to her about once a week for 3 months.. I was desvistated knowing he did this to me after all of the problems she has caused.. He sat me down and started to cry and told me yes he had talked to her for about 3 months but that he swears he did not once see her.. and the reason he says he didnt tell me was because he had stopped all contact with her about a month before she told me because he knew it wasnt right to speak with her and he didnt want to hurt me. When I asked the reason they spoke he said she just wanted to be civil and didnt understand why they couldnt be friends, so he claims he agreed to talk to her if she didnt bring up him and her getting back together... he told me she started to talk about how she has changed which was when he put a stop to all contact... Now when she contacted me she told me she was sleeping with him.. him and I live together so since were together all the time I asked her how that was possible, she told me he would go to work early and see her... Which i found strange because his schedules say he works at 7am... So every morning I wake him up at 6, and he leaves at 6:45, I highly doubt he can fit time in to go see her. What bothered me the most was she knew the colour of our bed sheets as she claimed she was there one night in the winter (him and I didnt live together then and she knows that)... now this angered me, considering she said it was the 13th of feburary the next day is valentines day which my boyfriend had given me a $1000 diamond necklace took me out for a fancy dinner and when i walked into the house there were candles and rose pedals everywhere... would someone really go to that extent if they were not serious about you and cheating?? Now alot of my boyfriends old friends are still friends with his ex, she could have got that information about our bed colour from someone if she was trying to get me to believe her. They only dated for 8 months over a year ago.. him and I have what seems like a perfect relationship, we never argue we bought a car together in June and Just bought a house together. Someone who knows her claims that when she found out we were buying a house together she was pissed because he wouldnt do that with her. What I want to know is, should I believe him?? I want to so badly, but since he lied to me about talking to her, it worries me that he would lie about something else to. He claims that he would not have boughten a house with me if he was cheating on me, which makes sence. But its been about 1.5months now since i found all of this out, and iam constantly thinking about it. How do I let this go?? is she just trying to ruien our relationship?? or does it seem like he actually cheated??? And Just to clarify, after I found out they spoke and he promised and cried about how it would never happen again, he got rid of his cell phone, got a cell phone with my company and went on a couples plan with me and made sure to get detailed billing so I can see the calls that are being made so he can show me that them talking is over. Please help, I need piece of mind, we just moved into our new house and I just want to stop thinking about this. I want to trust him and know it wont happen agian.
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female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (22 September 2007):
Cupcake is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you both very much for you answers. And I have already blocked her from my email so she cannot contact me.
Its just the fear I have that he lied to me about something more if he lied about talking to her. I really cant see him cheating on me, but its hard to 100% say he didnt when he had lied to me. Im having a hard time getting over that. The wondering and what ifs pop in my head atleast once a day and I keep having to tell myself "he wouldnt do this to you, shes lying" i just want it to stop I dont want it to ever enter my head
A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (21 September 2007):
 if you had put this behind you and moved on, and now it has come back into your mind, you have trust issues which will take its toll on your relationship sooner rather than later. if you know it won't happen again, you need to block it out your mind, move past it and think positive about your fresh start, living together, he's even sacrificed the privacy of his phone to give you peace of mind. he's trying and i think now is the time you try aswel.
new start, new beginning, regardless of the past, that can't be changed but you can shape the future -
a relationship built on trust and happiness OR
a relationship based on the past and regrets.
which would you prefer?
enjoy life and best of luck with it.
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A
female
reader, dnnl203 +, writes (21 September 2007):
dear cupcakeThis is going to make you ill if it hasnt already. I understand how you feel. Dont lose your grip on reality. I would say an affirmation everyday. Say " I deserve all the love in my world" untill you really believe it. It sounds like in your subconscious you dont believe that you deserve all the love you have with this man. You havent said how you feel about her, so it is good if you can think of her as a jealous insecure person who lacks selfesteem. Hate or resentment are distructive emotion which will only cause you more pain. As far as the emails are concerned you could change your email addresses or internet provider, ask his friends and yours not to give this girl any personal information about you and then see what happens. Good luck
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