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male
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*lexd
writes: Hello, I'm wondering if i could have some advice.It's quite unusual and I don't want to talk to my family about it because I fear they won't accept it.I have been married for 16 years to a woman I love very much. I don't want her to find out but I keep trying on her underwear whenever she goes out and whenever we have hot, steamy intercourse I keep fantasising about Eddie Izzard entering me.I know this is not normal but I need some help. In time I might be able to tell my wife but I'm not sure if Eddie would be up for what I want him to do to me.Any help would be much appreciated.Thanks,Worried Transexual.What do you think I should do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): I'm not so sure about anonymous's advice. I wouldn't say your "problem" is unusual at all.
It's easy to pigeon-hole peoples sexuality. But we're finally realising that you simply can not do that; we're all very, very different people who have all sorts of different sexual tendancies. Once apon a time there was only one sexuality; hetrosexual. Some people still believe this. But read a modern book on gender and identity and you'll see peoples gender can not be classified so simplistically.
A lot of men wear womens underwear and for a number of different reasons. I don't think there is any thing really wrong with this.
As for fantasising about Izzard entering you. Does this happen always? Or is it a fantasy that just occasionally happens? Have you always fantasised about a man penetrating you, or is it this particular guy?
You say you love your wife very much, and you've been together for a good amount of time. I imagine your marriage is otherwise pretty good?
Maybe you just have a particular crush on this character, and you sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to be penetrated. This certainly doesn't mean you are gay. Do not try and put a label to your sexual tendancies - because look where it's getting you; you're worried, confused and you think there's something wrong with you.
I think you should talk to your wife about this. But before you do, have a think about the extent that these thoughts affect your life and your sex life with your wife. You do not want to effectively tell your wife that you think you are a gay transexual when in fact you're a straight married man who just happens to have a couple of "different" fantasies. I actually know a couple of guys who like to be anally stimulated by their female girlfriends. Their not gay; it's just something they like.
So scrap this idea of normal; and being wrong; or different; or needing psychological help. You are you, and that is normal. Take care, and all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): I think maybe you should see a doctor first. A psychologist. They can usually lead you down the right path. Once you've got things clear in your mind, you'll be ready to tell your wife and then family if it comes down to that. Good Luck! =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): Are you really a transexual? Are you living your life as a man that wants to present himself to the world as a woman because that makes you feel better about yourself? Will you eventually have sex with a man or have you already? It seems to me that you have a sexual fetish, which means you have sexualized an object i.e. your wifes underwear so you feel erotic feelingd when looking at the object or yourself dressed up in that, and are just having a fantasy about Eddie to spice up your sex life....I guess if this does not really bother you or interfere with your everyday life, it is pretty harmless and probably does not mean that you are gay or anything...I don't know, what are you wanting to do, tell your wife? I don't know if you should concern yourself with not being normal, if it is normal for you, so be it, you are not hurting anyone with it are you? Why does your family need to know? Are you unhappy not being able to be a public transexual?
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