A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hate the way my life is right now! I dont enjoy life. I dont find anything exciting. I have to really make an effort to get out of bed do cleaning etc. This is all because of an ex that emotionally and mentally abused me. Weve been spilt up 5 months with no contact. Apart from hes asked to be my friend on facebook. But i ignored his request. Everyday i think about how horrible he was to me. How i felt every situation i went through and find myself crying because of the hurt. We were together on off for two years. Before i met him i had lost loads of weight and never had male attention he made me feel so good calling me beautiful sexy.i was just so inlove with him and his charm. But as that wore off i found out and realised so much about him. I found out that he had slept with over 70 people and was a womeniser before me. But i thought i was the special one. We did so many nice things our affection was so intense. After 6 months we spilt up because we r very different and i wanted commiment and he was one of the lads off on stag dos nite out with the lads.i never was allowed to go out with him with his mates it was like he still pretended to be single.i had to wait at home hed turn up at my house the next day hungover and couldnt remember what happened that nite. But he seemed to tell me how many women loved him i felt so lonely and couldnt trust him because of his past! 6 wks later i got a text saying hed made a mistake and he realised how much he loved me! So i took him back with his empty promises. After a month id found out hed slept with 2 women! When we spilt I was crushed. Id spent the 6 wks crying my eyes out! But i was so hooked on him i couldnt let him go. we broke up another month later same problems. Taking me for granted. And this time putting me down. Making me jealous. Hurting me with his comments that were nasty. Bringing up women. Telling me what hed done with other women how he would pull them. I couldnt take it anymore. I cant get over it feel so depressed and lonely.i did everything for him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): Stop hating him...pity him for his miserable loser life! You are wasting prescious emotions on a worthless piece of crap! You have to start loving yourself. Everything he said, all the putdowns, they're all lies! He does that to make himself feel superior, because deep down he knows he's inferior!!! Trust Me, I know so well!
Take the focus off him. Don't worry about what he is doing. You start doing for you! Remember, what goes around, comes around! He will someday, somehow pay for what he did to you!
I used to tell my ex that I hoped that when he died, his life will flash before his eyes and he would see how he hurt the people who loved him most! And on that day, when the cops came to my home and told me he had died, alone and in public...it was a shock, but I remembered what I always said to him. It didn't give me satisfaction, only grief. I grieved for his miserable pathetic life! And then was comforted that he would never hurt me or anyone else again. I cried for days...but not for what we had but what we could've had! I look back on it all now and I learn from it. Although it took me 16+ years, I learned!
Use your experience as a learning tool. And never judge all men by his actions. There are men out there who would appreciate and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But first, learn to love yourself. Get rid of those tapes in your head with his words...they are lies!
You can do it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): Thanks for the message. I know your right i just hate the way that hes made me feel and he has know idea. He probably going out getting drunk pulling women. I just get so messed up in the head. I hate him. Im frightened and scared of starting something new. I just keep thinking why would someone want to be with me.and worried i will ruin anything with someone new. I dont know if i can trust in anyone!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): I have been there! Only my ex was also physically abusive! I was with him for over 16 yrs. It was a gradual change, but a drastic one!
I had to finally stop looking at myself as a victum. I realized he was the one with the problem, and nothing I could do would change that. I now know, he was insecure, (hence, the talking about other women) He hated who he was so inturn, hated me! I decided that I was better of alone, than being with him and feeling so lonely! I also joined a group of women struggling to heal (all sorts of situations, but wounded all the same)
I consentrated on fixing ME, and gave up any hope of fixing him. I kind of reinvented myself, my home, a new job, and reconnected with friends who truly care about me. I will never allow anyone to abuse me in any way ever again!
I have met and fallen in love with a wonderful guy who respects me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated! I am happy again (I never thought I could be) and it has only been 2 years since I left the loser!
If I did it at 56 yrs old, you can do it too! Rejoice in your freedom and explore all your options. Don't worry about finding someone, YOU WILL!
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