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*ohn99
writes: Several weeks ago I initiated a break up with a woman that I had had 2 year relationship with. Due to circumstances this was not a live-in relationship but was very close- we had worked on some projects together. got along very well,found that we had a lot of shared interests and gradually moved into an intimate relationship. However due to what I thought was bad judgement and some actions on her part in a situation which impacted on us both it was definitely necessary for me to end things. Even though I do not want to resume the close relationship I miss her much more than I thought and find myself almost constantly thinking about her. I have thought that perhaps I could establish a casual friendly relationship with her but I am not confident that I could make that work. I ended the realtionship badly and I am not even sure that she would do this.In any case my main problem is to somehow to stop thinking of her everytime a familiar situation or thought arises. I think the basic problem is that I just can't get dissapointed and angry enough at her although I know I could not go back in a close relationship with her. Any advice in how to get her out of my head?
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (16 March 2006):
 This is a hard one to answer because the cause of your break-up is not stated and i am wondering if; although you state you could never get back into a close relationship with her you have some regrets about ending it and how it ended. It certainly sounds like you lack closure on this relationship.
Did you two properly discuss her lapse in judgment and did you fully express how you felt about it? A friendly relationship might be a good first step towards some closure because at least then she is in your life in some way. However, do you feel you cant make it work because you are afraid it might quickly spill over into more or do you feel that the issues between you are so great that it would make a friendship unworkable?
Maybe what you two need to do is talk and at the beginning make clear that it is a 'no-holds-barred' talk in which you are both free to express yourself without recrimination. Alternatively do things that keep your mind busy. Start a entirely new project that is symbolic of something you want to do as you. Hope that helps.
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