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female
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anonymous
writes: I wrote in yesterday and tried to respond…but there was an error…“I’ve been so strong but will I regret not having him in my life?” Thanx for your insightful advice on this one, I don’t have anyone else to discuss this with and appreciate all your help. The only problem is that we have a child together, we agreed when she was born that if he continued to behave this way and leave because he was being a slut that all contact with his daughter would be taken away - he wanted me to have an abortion again or adopt but I chose to keep her - and I'm glad I did. He has two other children to two other women - one of which committed suicide on mother's day 3 years ago and the other is a drug-ridden slut (not to be nasty-she simply is) I've seen him put these kids through all sorts of shit - seeing them when it's convenient for him, despite my constant disagreements to the way he treated them, he never really cared less about them. I know it sounds unfair to stop him seeing her but I know him all too well in the parenting department also to allow my daughter who is completely innocent to be dragged through the same crap. I refuse. He has agreed to this arrangement over and over through-out the years, I said it would be a different story if I didn't know what he was like with his other kids or if we broke up on mutual terms (ie: we both gave to the relationship and it still wasn't working). Am I doing the right thing there too? (my daughter doesn't particularly like him or the way he treats me or her either)??? His parents and family don't agree with this arrangement but to be honest they aren't a very good influence on her at all!! Sorry for the whole life story thing, I just find your advice very helpful and really crave outsiders opinions sometimes rather than constantly having to deal with all this on my own all the time!! thanx again! Am I choosing the right path on my daughter's behalf too?? - I hope I am because it would make life a lot easier!!
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female
reader, Sunystar4  +, writes (15 October 2010):
Honey....I am the step-mother of 2 children. Their moms each have just the one kid and alot of hurt and history with my husband. I have seen both sides first hand as I have 2 children from a previous marriage and 2 with him. This is my take: Sometimes, depending on all involved and the influences, behaviors, and learning experiences..it may be best to keep a parent out of a childs life. I have many friends who purposly got pregnant and now they are mad that they are raising a kid alone. But she chose alone to get pregnant thinking it would secure the relationship. So is it fair for a guy to be locked down or for a mother to. Us a woman and moms, we have the final say so over our choice and our kids. I suggest you really look at what she will be exposed to and if it is worth it to you to expose her to all of that or to expose her to life without her biological daddy. There are great men out there who are so mature and loving, they will see and treat her just like their own. Keep looking for healthy relationships and love...thats the best thing you can do for her.
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female
reader, katiebabyee  +, writes (14 February 2009):
you should do what you feel is right by your daughter. I've got a baby girl at 6 months and me and her dad aren't together due to the fact that he wanted me to have an abortion and I said no way so he ran a mile, didn't come to any scans or hospital appointments, but when I gave birth he wanted her, but he just intrested in her, he plays the perfect daddy in front of his mum and now he has a new girlfriend and he wants her over there with him and her but I'm not allowing that, I totally agree that you have stopped your daughter from seeing her dad coz it sounds as if you have done a great job by yourself xx
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (8 March 2006):
 How about supervised access? Have you tried that. I think you shouldn't cut off all contact with a child's father until you have gone down every path available. Then when your child is older you can look them in the eye and say I TRIED. If you dont then there is always the danger of the child turning on you and saying you kept me form my Dad.
I dont know if you are right or wrong. Sometimes decisions we make come back in later years and bite us on the ass, despite us trying to do the best we can at the time. So please think carefully and chose wisely. I do not envy you your choices, I have been here myself, albeit with the mother-in-law form hell, and I still dont know if I have done the right thing.
Good luck
xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): When my parents split up when I was younger, I remember wanting to see both of my parents the same amount of time. However, your situation is different, your daughter doesn't want to see her dad, or so you think. Maybe you should ask her again, just to check. It your pretty sure then I think your doing the right thing. After all, you don't want him to be influencing her.You should also be aware that although she doesn't want to see him, he could still take it to the courts, because she is his rightful daughter. But even if that did happen, she wants to stay with you, so it would be likely he would lose his case. But it could still happen.Whatever happens, I think your doing the right thing at the moment, but keep talking to your daughter and make sure she's happy. Growing up with one parent isn't easy, she's missing out a lot on that, so make sure she doesn't miss out on anything else. You seem like a caring mother to me, because you only want to give her your very best. So I suggest you keep doing what you are doing, and keep making the right decisions. XxXxX
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (7 March 2006):
 I think you know you are better than this guy and can do better. Just because you have a child together doesn't mean you should take him back and be unhappy. From what you've written you've proven that are actually quite a strong person, despite the anxiety attacks. Trust your own instincts you seem to have good instincts x
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (7 March 2006):
 Look again at what you have wrote, you know deep in your heart that you are doing the right thing, you have a mothers love and instinct and that is to protect your child from harm.
This man is harm and so you are doing the natural thing, keep her away from him, she does not need him and when she is older and can keep herself safe she will have the choice of to see him or not, but for now protect her and continue being strong, the hardest part is over.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): I believe you are doing the right thing. I'm in the same situation with my son and honestly feel he will do better without any influence from his father. If she is not missing out on anything and it's in her best interest, then you have the best arrangement.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006): Well I say kids before parents, so in this case, if your daughter doesn't much care to see him and also do not like him, then I think you're making the more correct decision in allowing him to see her as little as possible.
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