A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Relationship/ gay advice please? I don't know what to do. I've let so many guys slip away on the advice that 'they're not the right one' etc. but I tired of this happening and it makes me sad.I'm in my final uni year, still single and I don't want to be. I realise that you can't force a relationship, but it would be nice if I could see one on the horizon.In June I started chatting to a guy on a dating site. Our universities are close and we started talking about that. Eventually things went to Facebook. It was great, but I began to get the impression that he had less to say to me as the months went on - but then it's not easy keeping a 'friendship' going online for months!When the summer ended I suggested that we could go for a drink one day. He said he's text me. He hasn't. The point is we haven't talked for months because I wondered whether I was contacting him too often (though I tried not to), and if he was no longer interested. And then he liked a couple of my Facebook statuses, after months of silence, and I realised that I can't let this slide like I've done before.Have I been doing something wrong? Do I message him again?
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female
reader, elise22  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 I don't know who's been advising you to stop seeing these guys (could they have been jealous or was there seriously something wrong with the guys you were with?) but you should start listening to your own intuition. It sounds like you know already that you want to date this man, and I would definitely give it a try. It may not turn into a relationship, but dating is fun and it gives your confidence a boost.Now the question of the dating game is a little tougher, I'm not sure. I'm a girl and I usually always wait for the guy to contact me, and only take initiative when I feel it's necessary to show that I am in fact interested, or he'll give up on me. The reason behind this is that in my experience, men pull away when a girl is obviously into them, or even get scared that she may be clingy. It's not so much a game as it is a gut feeling.Now with you, obviously the roles aren't that clear. I think it was wise of you to pull away though, because the fact that he is seeking you out means he hasn't forgotten about you and is wondering why you haven't been in touch. It's actually what I would do, a subtle move to show you might be willing to date them if they're willing to chase you. So, my guess is he wants you to take the initiative and just ask him out, and don't say 'someday', say 'this friday'. I might be wrong, but if you take a chance at least you'll know. And if he does say no, you have never met him in real life so you shouldn't take it too personally.Good luck with this and I hope it all turns out well for you! And keep us posted! xxx Elise
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 You shouldn't get with a person for the sake of getting into a relationship. If you haven't met each other yet, it could mean you are not interesting to each other enough, or he's just looking for a chat buddy. I don't know for gay men if there are assigned roles such as the pursuer and the pursued, the more active one and the laid back one. It's best when both want a relationship. You really want one, so maybe you have to be more proactive. When you just wait around you might be friend zoned.
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