A
female
age
36-40,
*inetoes
writes:I have been with this guy for 8 months now. Since the first month I have been back and forth about whether I should be with him or not, despite the fact that we got along really well, he treated me well, etc. I found him to be really needy and I broke up with him.His 2 year old niece died and then we semi got back together.That was 3 months ago, now we're doing the distance thing (it's only been a day since) so I can figure out what I'm going to do with my life, and when I went to visit him we argued like crazy! I used to walk all over him and he would just take it! I don't like who I am and I'm miserable all the time, but now he's just as bad! All because I said not to let me treat him that way, but now he's at the other extreme!He loves me so much that he said that he is willing to wait even years until I make up my mind about all of this. I'm also hoping that enough time apart will give us the chance to learn about ourselves and grow up a little more.The problem is, when we're together, I have nothing but negative thoughts about him. But the second we're apart I miss him so much and realize all over again how much I love him that I can't even get out of bed in the morning until 3pm sometimes...help! What is wrong with me and what can I do?! I'm so tired of going back and forth about him, I just want my thoughts to make sense!
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female
reader, ninetoes +, writes (15 April 2009):
ninetoes is verified as being by the original poster of the question yes, it did. Thank you, I was so concerned that I wasn't going to get a reply at all!
And you are right, I'm absolutely terrified of commitment. It always seems as though I'm looking for excuses not to be with him, and I have a tendancy to sluff off people that are close to me for new ones...I'm a big work in progress.
Thank you so much for your answer!
A
female
reader, littledevotional89  +, writes (15 April 2009):
I find it a concern when you say..."The problem is, when we're together, I have nothing but negative thoughts about him. But the second we're apart I miss him so much and realize all over again how much I love him that I can't even get out of bed in the morning until 3pm sometimes..."because when your together....your love for one and other should blossom. Regardless, you want him to stick up for himself to you. This is a good thing! When talking to him about it, try not to hurt his ego. He's probably still dealing with the fact that he let you walk all over him, and this needs to be talked about sensitively. Guys don't admit it. But it does. Anyway... are you ready for a commitment? Seems to me like you've found a guy that is going to treat you really well... and you might be afraid of accepting it. we're not ALWAYS in love with the boy that we're with.. we have moments when we're angry at them and moments when we'll even feel disgusted by them. But we can still love them soo much. Love is like that. It's not a fairytale romance..Anyway I think you need to get real with yourself... if your ready for a commitment, go for it and accept that your feelings may sway a little throughout the relationship...I dunno if this helped..i hope so..
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