A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im looking after some really needed advice or a point in the right direction. the only problem i keep having with my realtionships is limited to girls that are really attractive or i consider special. i turn into the nicest guy/wuss which drives the away. i have no other problems other than this one and it doesnt happen with girls that i dont find attractive or that i dont really care for. it is starting to get really annoying. i could use the advice to maybe help me change my approach or point of view on things. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Just to add, start training your brain to view 7's as potential 10's in the future. Not that they will physically change into a 10 but that you may gain feelings for them such as they turn into what you consider a 10.
That's how it works with me, my current girlfriend is not model material but to me she's an 11.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): You're setting your standards too high.
You only date girls that you put on a pedestal and worship. When you date girls that you don't feel that way about then you feel nothing and don't give them a chance.
You need to find a happy medium. Date girls that you find attractive but you don't immediately want to worship.
To use the number ratings the previous poster used, you probably only want to date girls that are 9's or 10's, to you anything less is not good enough. You want to worship these girls, you want to be blown away.
I used to be like that and it sucks, you melt and act like a wuss with these girls when what they really want is a man like you are when you date girls that aren't 10's.
What you need to do is lower your standards and be open minded. Go ask a 7 out and put some effort into getting to know her.
You see what happens for me is that when I started dating girls I found attractive but not goddess' worthy of worship that I was able to maintain myself and fall in love with them over a matter of time. That's the healthy way. Give these girls a chance, you might not think they're the most beautiful creatures on the planet straight away but a girl with a great personality can grow into being that for you as long as you are attracted to her.
Go for cute for a while and while you may not feel intense crazy emotions at the start, give it time to develop. Treat every girl like she has that potential because any cute girl does have that potential.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont have problems with my self esteem or confidence although like any normal guy, i do get the occasional dips in both. by wuss i mean that when i find a girl that i think is good enough for me to date i treat them as nice as possible which seems to be backfiring. i dont get why is my problem and i need advice getting around this
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): "Nice guy" doesn't awlays equal "wuss", so it depends on how you're behaving with them.
There is a bitter irony in the fact that a (healthy) dose of indifference often keeps a woman interested, but when you REALLY like/love/care about someone, it's the very last way you feel like behaving with them.
I've recently done this myself. Not only was I so madly in love, but I couldn't believe my good fortune at finding someone so ideal and awesome (I'd all but given up after my rather loveless marriage ended several years previously). I doted on her so much that it made me look weak, which was surely a contributing factor in her ending things.
Tragic that the only time I've been so 'needy' was with my 'one true love'...
I don't know what advice to give other than to learn from your mistakes. Be aware of signs that you might be about do something 'wussy' aagin, and try to avoid it. Women sometimes push the boundaries just to test you, so every now and again be a bit ruthless and stand your ground. Don't overdo the affection (gifts and declarations of your love) either.
Above all, be confident. If you feel that she's a 10 but you're a 2, never show it.
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A
male
reader, CaptainObvious +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Define "being a wuss."
If you mean that you let them walk all over you, you clearly either have a self esteem issue, or really are dating girls out of your league.
Everyone can cite an exception to the rule, but generally speaking 2's don't hang with 10's.
If you're a 2 and still manage to pull 10's, realize you've got game and pat yourself on the back.
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