A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid... i keep blaming my boyfriend for everything. when we have a drink sometimes things are fine but mostly i get ratty and irritable and actually look for reasons to blame him for sth, find fault etc. i feel awful the next day as he's such a fantastic bloke and i'm petrified of losing him.he comes from a really close family and so is very understanding, open and patient whereas i am from a very reserved family where there are a lot of conflicts and non-acceptance within the family unit. the problems don't only arise when there's alcohol involved but i would say drinking makes them more prevalent. i have tried simply not drinking during the week and only drinking on one night at the weekend and that helps but there are definitely still moments when i realise afterwards that i've not been nice enough or accepting enough. i am thinking of going for counselling as i really want to put everything behind me and start afresh. for years i was very alone and secretive as i suffered from bulimia for almost 10 years. i am over that now and feel as comfortable as i probably could hope to in my own body but i realise that all the secrecy and keeping myself away from other people means that i am not particularly open and don't always want to be in the company of others.my boyfriend isn't a social animal but sometimes i am aware that he'd probably like to spend more time in the company of others without me getting moody.i'm also insanely jealous of him finding his female friends attractive and flirting with them. i constantly find myself imagining that there's something behind very innocent comments or actions. he's over 3 years younger than me and while i'm looking to settle down and have kids (i'm 34), i worry that he'll one day leave me for someone younger who has more time ahead of them before they have to start thinking about babies.things have been a bit heated recently and i feel like i'm almost on my 3rd strike before i'm out. i really want to make this relationship work and make him happy as he is everything i have ever wanted in a partner.
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (10 October 2008):
 OK, I think the fact that you have suffered an eating disorder in the past has something to do with your own self image and self worth. Your own insecurities are what will push this wonderful guy away from you unless you change your ways right now.
Definitely go for counselling as I think your background has a lot to do with the way you feel and think.
You say your bf comes from a very close family unit and so whilst he is currently understanding and loving that WON'T last forever and if you keep going the way you are then you will definitely push him away and then it will be too late.
Keep off the drink altogether as I think this is definitely the area in which your inhibitions come down and you have this inner strength but it is only bolstered up by the alcohol in your body as you are just not used to it that much.
Try doing some nice things for him instead, maybe like preparing a nice meal and get a DVD to watch or go to the cinema just the two of you.
You can't lock yourselves away forever so maybe consider going bowling or something which is fun and doesn't automatically have to include alcohol to have a laugh.
Do talk to your doctor about getting some help with counselling, however this may take some time on the NHS so you could consider private counselling but that will cost, don't go to just anyone though, consider what type of counselling you need and discuss this with your doctor and make sure they are approved and monitored as there are some out there who do not adhere to policies, believe me I know from one very bad experience. Make sure they are on the UK national register and you can check this online.
You are not over the hill by any means btw you are only 34 so please just talk to your bf as well and tell him about your fears and worries and let him know that you are going to do something about your outbursts with him and try to make sure he knows that you want to make things better between you. If you stay quiet then he has no way of knowing what you are trying to do to make sure he stays in your life and he possibly doesn't realise how important he is to you.
At the end of the day you cannot wrap someone up in cotton wool as they will do whatever they want to do no matter how much you try to control them but the one thing that won't happen if you loosen the reigns is resentment and hatred so do bear that in mind OK.
Here anytime as we all are and keep us posted on your progress OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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