A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I guess I should start with a bit of background. . . I am rather new to published material forums etc relating to relationships. I used to think therapy, counseling, etc, was for people who could not handle things themselves, but now find my self seeking help. I am 19, my Girlfriend is 18. We both have strong morale views that we freely chose to believe, and henceforth, sex is not even in quesiton, and has nothing to do with anything. We have been going a year, and just enjoy being together, I like her, she likes me, it started from there. I Love her, and she loves me, and this is where we are at now. What I HAVE read, is that women are communication based, conversation, emotional sharing, beings. And that men have to learn to be sensitive, and LISTEN, to them when they are talking, and respond. But it is different with me and Her. I am the one who loves talking, and conversing with her. Anytime there is an isuse, or something, I dont feel comfortable, and cant sleep that night unless I call her and talk and get it out. Or I call her the next day. I like to talk things through, I feel connected with her when we do, and when we share things, even if they are "everyday" things, fi we talk, I feel stronger with her. But she is like the oposite. The best way I can describe it, is that she is extremely reserved, and keeps herself shut in a box when it comes to personal, or emotional things. She rarely shows, lets herself act upon her emotions. Its like she is trying to hide herself. She rarely if EVER, opens up to me. At times, I can tell she is stressed, worried, or nervous about something at school, or life or whatever, but it is like pulling teeth to get her to tell me ANYTHING. i used to think she just needed time or space, and would never press the matter, but it seems to be growing now to other areas as well. I am so confused and kinda scared. . .I dont know what to make of it all. Further more, it confuses me, as I am the one who "needs communication", and has emotional needs. . .or atleast needs I express. She had a turbulent childhood, Father is anonymous, Mother abandoned at age 6, Passed around from relative to relative till age 11, from then, with current "over bearing" aunt. I just want to understand her. . .I guess I see I have just poured my thoughts into this quesiton, and most people probably wont take the time of day to read through it, but it felt kinda good to think I was getting it out to somebody. . .anyways, any insight, or women who can tell me what is in the heart of a young girl would be greatly appreciated. thanks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LethalInjection-x  +, writes (7 September 2009):
 Of course we'll take the time to read it, it's what we're all here for!
Firstly, you must understand that although what you've read about males and females can be true, it's purely stereotypical really, and there are always exceptions to the rule. Everyone is different depending on their childhood, life experiences and personality. But this is another issue entirely I think.
It's perfectly understandable that your girlfriend is reserved. It's most likely something she has learned to do during her childhood, probably most linked to her mother leaving, which could have led her to blame herself for the absence of both parents.. and thus hiding emotion for fear of it driving those close to her away.
It's a difficult subject to approach, and I think the most you can do is make it clear to your girlfriend that you're willing to listen to her without judgement, and that you're there to help her. However, communication is important in all relationships, and if it is spreading to most aspects of your lives, then you should definitely mention it to her and try asking why she feels it's happened.
As for you, you're perfectly normal in needing the communication/"emotional needs", everyone has them.. they just vary from person to person.
I will also say though, that you should be careful not to press the subject too hard. I know from how I am, that I do not appreciate constant questions about my emotional state. It's a comfort for me to know I have someone there that WILL listen, but sometimes I refuse to share anything purely because the other person has asked too many times.
Do you ever talk online? Or write? Because I find this to be a good way to communicate about things that are a bother. You could suggest she write things down instead, incase she doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk about them face to face.
I hope some of this helped x
|
