A
female
age
51-59,
*ealingthePain
writes:I have been seriously dating a man for two years. I love him dearly and we had been talking about spending the rest of our lives together. However, i have some major trust issues and we both feel differently about boundaries with the opposite sex. While he and I both agree that men and women can be friends, clear boundaries need to be established and maintained. A while back I had accessed his Facebook account. Honestly, the first time was a complete accident and I told him immediately what happened. However, when I got on there I saw him chatting with an old girlfriend. The chat was very flirtatious. He did apologize and admitted it was wrong. I also saw some emails back and forth between them. I was not able to trust him after this because he said he wouldn't do this again and yet he still has. He has been corresponding back and forth with other old girlfriends from high school, reminsicing about old memories of their romance, old love cards they wrote to each other, special times they shared and how much they meant to each other. Then he briefly emailed back and forth another old flame discussing certain love things they said to each other from old cards they wrote each other. On top of all of this, most recently, my boyfriends' first true love contacted him and they have been emailing back and forth. yes, I will admit I saw this email too. I feel badly that I accessed his personal emails but I am just glad I know the truth and I don't know how else I would have known had I not accessed his emails. He certainly would not have shared the information with me! In deciding whether or not to commit to him, it is important that I know the truth and if accessing his emails was the way for me to know in order for me to decide as to whether or not to commit, then I can live with that. Once again him and his old girlfriend were sharing old memories together of their love and how much they meant to each other. At one point, he said, "I remember taking a shower after I left you. I remember being so sore and walking bow-legged because we were trying to make up for the fact that we weren't going to see each other for three weeks." I felt sick to my stomach and devastated when I read this. I know he doesn't have any intentions of seeing her but I feel this kind of intimate communication calling up past feelings from an old flame is inappropriate and unfaithful. It hurts tremendously. I wonder if I am being too sensitive but I feel how I feel. He feels I am being adolescent and immature and that my insecurity is my issue. He said he doesn't want to be "restricted" from emailing old friends or girlfriends if he wants to just because it hurts me. I don't understand. It feels like this emailing old girlfriends seems to be more important than our relationship. What do you think about all of this?Oh, one more thing....when he first said he would no longer email old girlfriends, he told me specifically he wouldn't do it. Today, when I told him, "You promised you wouldln't do this anymore and yet you still continue," his response to me was, "I never said I promised. I only said I wouldn't do this anymore." I was stunned, absolutely stunned. My response was, "So, what that means is if you don't promise me something that I should only take what you say with a grain of salt and know that if you simply say you won't do something again but NOT promise you won't, then I should just know that what you really mean is maybe, maybe not, don't count on anything." I was extremely hurt when he said this to me.
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