A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18,female and go to college with a guy I like. We spent heaps of time together during the first term (approx 10 hours out of college +24 hours in college/week) but due to circumstances nothing could happen between us until July next year (don't worry he is also single too). I don't know if he likes me(others have thought so) but I want to just be friends - least till then.Is it possible to just be friends since I've started to like him/ how do you stay at just friends without getting caught up emotionally?At the moment I spend as little time around him as possible so I don't think about him, but I miss his friendship and when I do spend time around him I feel like I am not myself because I am trying to keep at some kind of distance.Thanks for your advice,( and Going out with him/seeing if he likes me earlier is not an option before July next yr cause we are doing a course which doesnt permit dating in the first yr.I respect it.) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Your post brings back fond memories as I remember the long discussions at Uni as to whether close friends of the opposite sex can remain friends without falling in Love...the conclusion was IT DEPENDS!!
Companionship and friendship are Philia whereas Physical and emotional attraction are Eros, however both of these are part of Agape and therein lies the problem because although the first two can be transient and are controlable, Agape is not and it is Love eternal. As a result you would find ways of controlling the first two your friendship or your passionate desire. However Agape is a Love that knows no bounds and the period of enforced seperation or self denial would not diminish it, on the contrary it would only strengthen it; as it is the Love described in Romeo and Julliet, a Love worth dying for.
My advice to you is as follows:
Don't avoid him it will just drive you nuts and affect your studies, meet him in the company of others or in busy places there will be others on your course who will be (I presume) also bound by this, self denying, 'celibacy' rule who can support you both in this. Even if the attraction between you is strong! although don't expect it to be easy a vow once taken or a promise made are 'harder kept once made'
I have to laugh at your post (in the nicest sense) because no matter how much you intellectualise this every indication in your post suggests you're falling, if not already, in love with him. (don't you just love that little guy with the bow).
Finally I am intrigued as to why you haven't disclosed the course you are studying...that doesn't allow dating 'til the second year(Any course that has a self denying ordinance has to have a reason for that ordinance).
As it would give a better indication of the type of advice I could offer, whether it be secular spiritual or otherwise.
So check my homepage first then e-mail me if there is anything else you wish to discuss
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