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female
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anonymous
writes: I feel so down all the time lately. I have no mates. I am doing rubbish academically. I feel so low all the time and lonely. I'm young and supposed to be having fun, but my life at the moment is crap. I have no confidence whatsoever. I hate who I am, I really do.Please don't say "go and join clubs to meet new friends", cuz it just doesnt work, and internet buddies aren't the same either.Every time I get close to someone they screw me over or hurt me and so I'm petrified of meeting anyone cuz I get attached so easily. I just wanna have a life!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 It mightn't be any comfort to you at all, but I'm going to say this anyway: yours is the Howl of the Adolescent.
Every human goes through a stage like you're experiencing. The trick is not to convince youself that it's forever. Yes, it's annoying to feel so powerless and lonely and underachieving. Yes, life is confusing and stupid and boring and nobody understands. And yes, adults use the most irritating platitudes when they say they've "been there, done that".
BUT...
Every person over the age of about 17 -- look around, there are billions of them! -- has survived this stage, because Time cures it. You have to learn to be patient, is all.
Like every other teen on the planet (and I'm only guessing, but I'd estimate that you're between 13-15), you're in a part of your life where you're getting conflicting messages. Everyone seems to be saying "These are the best years of your life. Enjoy them!", but it doesn't feel like that at all. Your friends' lives seem to be all parties, boyfriends and easy living... and yours feels like, well, crap and anonymity.
Stop me if I'm wrong.
One of the symptoms of this particular syndrome is that you reject out of hand any suggestions to get out of it so I'm not even going to bother. You don't want to get out and meet people, so that's fine. Don't do that. (Of course, if you can think of any other way to discover new friendships, I'm sure a few million other kids would like to know your secret.)
What I will tell you is that this is A STAGE and it will pass. Remember being 8, and there was a toy/game/fad that just *everybody* was into, and you wanted it SO MUCH? And now, you couldn't possibly care less about whatever it was? Same thing.
You're probably putting too much pressure on yourself, and worrying that the way you feel now is the way it's going to be for all time, but that won't happen. Try not to worry.
But do try to keep up with your schoolwork, because that's the most important thing right now. (If you let yourself fall behind, you'll be playing catch up for years, and hating things even worse, down the track.) Don't worry about your confidence level right now. Don't worry about friends right now. Just don't worry. It all comes out OK.
Instead, take up journal-writing, or blogging. (If you blog, you might want to do it under a pseudonym, so you can feel free to get personal.) You need to clear your head and examine all the things you feel, and a very good way to do that is to write it all down, and re-read what you've written. It does an incredible job of focusing your thoughts and clearing your head, and I recommend it.
Secondly, it's really helpful to find someone to talk to about your feelings. I was really lucky at 14 that I had an English teacher that I liked. She was pretty young and hip, and was always ready to sit and listen to me talk. If you know any adults that you feel comfortable enough to talk to about your concerns, you'll be astonished at how much better you feel, just... talking.
That's what school counsellors get paid to do, by the way.
In summary: you're normal. Don't worry. Try to find a creative outlet. Be patient with yourself; you're not fully finished yet.
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