A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want sex! im 18 i have never done anything with a boy, im quite a curvey size 16, the problem is when im in clubs i have no confidence to go talk to guys, i feel like if they do come talk to me or want to dance they are making fun of me. Its very hard for me to loose weight because i have a thyroid problem that i take medication for and it slows down my metabolism. My friends have boyfriends, and it feels like they look down on me because i have never had a boyfriend, i know its not intentional, its just the way it comes accross..HELP!i just want to find somebody who likes me for who i am, can i have some advice?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (21 September 2011):
 Well I also have to agree totally with "CindyCares." Being in Texas, I have no experience in British clubs, but Texas gathering spots are probably little different. We used to call them "Meat Markets." There are better places and ways to "be yourself" and very possibly find a soul mate.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 It's normal wanting to be loved and appreciated for whom you are - but I think it is also normal wanting to be the best you can possibly be from any point of view, including looks. Not for beeing looked at ,but for yourself.
Think of yourself as a beautiful, precious unfinished painting, it's good enough right now, but if you can add a few more brush touches and make it a masterpiece, why wouldn't you ?
A thyroid problem makes more difficult, slower, to ditch the extra weight and get to a healthy one and mantain it - but not impossible.( Tell me about it , I should know, I have to eat thyroid medications by the spoonful.) If I did it- I am the laziest creature in the world, the worst couch potato ever - ANYBODY can do it. Sure you won't ever be a Kate Moss, but if you'd feel more comfortable in the skin of a nice fit size 12, that's very doable .
Then, if you want to be appreciated regardless of your looks, go hang out in the right places, i.e., maybe not the clubs. Clubbing is mostly about looking hot and showing flesh and shaking your booty right, not about impressing people with your wit and personality. If you have constantly to compete ONLY at "T and A" level you are just reinforcing your feelings of inadequacy.
Also, this may sound commonplace or some law of Attraction BS, but I found it to be true : beauty is an attitude- if you feel good about yourself, you are attractive. MY thyroid problem popped up all of a sudden and before I could figure out what it was due to, I had already gained quite a lot of weight. And I was newly single too. But, for one of those lucky coincidences in life, I also had had a couple of lucky strikes and realized a couple of my fondest dreams and I felt so totally on top of things, so queen of the hill. It shows - and it attracts people. I have never been so pursued and hit on as in my fat period.
Lastly- relax, don't be in a hurry, try not to feel presured to think you MUST catch someone before 19 or else. Give yourself time to learn to like yourself ,and like your life . Put optimism, and joy in all you do, and things will fall into place by themselves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): You have low self-esteem, which I understand. Britain is very much a looks-obsessed country where people can be really shallow and cruel about other people's appearance. I grew up in England so I know this firsthand, as well as having spoken to many British friends and foreign people who have visited Britain. However, there are also a lot of wonderful people who will love you for who and how you are, if you'll give them a chance, but unfortunately I don't think you'll find them in clubs. People you meet in clubs might love your curvy figure and want to have sex with you, but that's probably all they want. It's better to get to know someone at your own pace and allow them to fall in love with every part of you at their pace. Don't worry about your friends and their boyfriends, you're really young and I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 26 because I just didn't meet anyone I liked enough. Instead of wanting a boyfriend, any boyfriend, wait until you meet a guy you genuinely like, where you feel you want HIM to be your boyfriend because you like him, not because you want to have what your friends have. In the meantime, when you do go to clubs, forget about being "on the pull", go and dance and have fun with your friends, and you may even meet someone nice there. It's not unheard of.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (19 September 2011):
Based on your posting, as a young woman of legal age in Britain, I think your difficulty is expressed in your statement, "I feel like if they do come talk to me or want to dance they are making fun of me." That is way too pessimistic. You probably should allow the "boys" to make the approach, but you can encourage with a smile. Give them a chance.
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