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female
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anonymous
writes:Hello everyone - I'm not sure if it's just because of my personality or if it's deeper than that, but sometimes I find that I just want to be left alone by everyone except for my husband. Like sometimes I feel it's a chore to talk to my friends and even family members who I'm close to. It's not just seeing the person, either. I mean, I could sit on an email for days just because I don't feel like talking to anyone. And phone calls? Forget about it. I won't call you back (even if I feel bad about it). This can last several weeks to several months, then I am fine with talking to people again.I'm not sure why this is, or even if it's a real "problem." I don't feel depressed or anything during those times, either. I just feel like I want to be left alone to do my own thing without being bothered. Is something wrong with me? Should I want to feel more social? I'm generally a quiet person, but I feel like I'm being too introverted or something when I compare myself to others. I'm 25 and I've felt like this a number or years.Thanks.PS - I'm fine with being this way, I just feel weird because I know most people don't seem to be this way but maybe it's just that it's my personality. Like everyone's different and this is just how I am...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): I also feel like you but have had no trauma in my life. I'm just an introvert! We introverts "recharge our batteries" so to speak by being alone. Nothing wrong with that! If you've never done it before you should try taking a personality profile. Mine is INTJ and describes me to a T (see http://typelogic.com/intj.html). If you find your fit maybe you'll discover more about yourself. *shrug*
Otherwise, my best friend - also an introvert - found this book, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, and its awesome. Unlike me she was beginning to think she was the odd one out. Well, we are outnumbered 8 to 2, but I've never thought people paid any attention to me while she thinks everyone is watching and judging her. Now she knows they aren't and feels more comfortable being who she is. The book is well written and is easy to understand. I love the section that describes how we hate the phone (especially cells!!)and tried to get my extroverted family to read it. Nope. Oh well. Anyway, most importantly the book lets a person know they are not alone - e.g., they are normal.
Keep your chin up and don't apologize for being who you are! Like Mr. Rogers said, we are all special ;)
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female
reader, pleasantface +, writes (22 August 2008):
Oh mY god!! I thought I was the only one. I feel that way right now,and often! Only I'd really just like my husband to buzz off too. I also DO feel dpressed and at the height of my stress, and in my world people rely on me for more than I can rely on them. I am a hairstylist, But I haven't woked as a stylist in a salon for over a year. Yet people keep making me go to their house or want to come to mine to do hair. Needless to say, my hair looks terrible. I had a sister in law have a baby recently and I did NOT care. I felt bad, but I still dont' really care to go and visit. Which is bad, because she's really touchy and takes it personally. It's hard to just say, "don't take it personally, I really just need to be alone right now, so I'm unavailable". You seem selfish, and bitchy. It in turn gives me even more stress, and then I just want to distance even more. I get really tired of obligations to other people, don't return phone calls even when I got the message they left, don't want to talk, down't want to listen... and so forth. I just become totally hateful and irritated if I feel like this and more people than is usual wants something from me. The really shameful part of all of this is that I have two small children. I have been thinking, and I decided I need to take a week or so long sabatical without a sould knowing how to reach me except my husband, and just sit by myself, answer to myself, be alone.
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female
reader, nicola79  +, writes (21 February 2007):
 Hiya love,
Its nicola here again,you know something? I think after reading what you have wrote after,you seem to know your mind very well and that is good. Your husband sounds so so lovely and caring,and if you are happy to talk with him, well who am I to tell you to go out twice a week?
You will know in your heart when you are ready,and untill you are then I think you should do as you feel right.
You have been through a lot and you have the power to say what you feel like doing.
Wouldnt it be nice though to go for a walk with your husband,(well if you like that sort of thing)
You just take your own time and you will get there sweety,
I wish you all my love,
Nicola xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (21 February 2007):
 I think you've more or less answered your original question. There isn't anything abnormal with you at all. You love your husband very much and you're quite happy with your life. You seem to handle life at a very lackadaisical pace. I suggest you try and set yourself small goals in life to work towards. Have you ever been interested in writing? You could maybe try and write a short story, either fiction or non fiction. Poetry is another thing you could try your hand at. Writing is a wonderful way of expressing ones self and ones emotions and you did it beautifully in your last post (above.) Keeping a journal or diary is another way of doing this and I would definitely advise you to do this. It will keep you in touch with your "inner self" and is a great way to get rid of pent up emotions.
Life isn't for nothing, it's for living and we only get one chance at it so we should live it the best way we see fit whether it be gregariously or introvertly, whatever way you feel most comfortable and more at peace with is the way you should live and enjoy it. Don't compare yourself to other people, you are special... a unique being with your own wonderful qualities to share with others as you see fit. I wish you and your husband every happiness in your life...
Eve
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again - it's me, the original poster.
Nicola - Well, I used to go to a life coach and have been through hypnosis because I used to hate being around crowds for fear of being embarassed for numerous reasons, but I don't really feel like that anymore. Now I just prefer to be alone, well, just because. I don't really have a fear of being around crowds anymore, I got over that a couple of years ago. Now I just don't have an interest in being around anyone.
Eve - I guess my answer to Nicola sort of answers some of your questions, too. I used to think people were constantly looking at me under a microscpe, when the truth is they probably might not have even noticed I was in the room, or even cared about my interests if they talked with me anyway. Sometimes, occasionally, I feel like everyone might secretly be thinking my thoughts and values are stupid or something, but I know that's not the case with my close family and friends, yet I still can't seem to want to "go out of my way" to see, email or call them.
About life not being fair - I really think that it's up to the person to make it what they want it to be. So it's not that it's fair, but it's what happens and what you make of it. On the other hand, I think that we live for nothing, we die for nothing - there's no heaven or hell or limbo or pergatory or anything else that religion gives people as a crutch to live through everyday life. So then, how could there be more to life if there's nothing to begin with? Like I said, everything is what you make of it.
As for being happy with my husband - I think the world of him. He is a perfect match for me and I have no complaints. It's strange, in a way, because my whole life I cheated on everyone I ever dated. When I found him, it's like the world stood still and I changed my ways completely. I've never even thought about being with anyone else in a romantic or sexual way. Maybe that's the reason he's the only one I don't mind being around when I get in a "mood" or whatever it is you want to call it.
When it comes to having problems in my life, I do feel like sometimes there isn't anyone to talk to about things. (Even though I know my husband would be more than willing to talk things through with me, it's like I don't want to bother him sometimes - like with the question I'm asking now.) I guess that's because I don't really communicate that much with many people. I've never been the sort of person to have a lot of friends - I've only ever maintained one or two really good friendships and basically have not given anyone else the time of day. I don't know why I'm like this. I haven't lost anyone close to me recently and I haven't started or stopped any meds (I'm not taking anything at all).
I do find it hard to trust people in general, though. I was raped when I was a teenager and was made fun of throughout elementary and high school. When I was 17, I became protective over my cousin when she started drugs and told her mom about what was going on - the result was death threats from the people she hung out with so I had to live with my other aunt and uncle for a while. I became extremely introverted because of these and other events, but got better during college.
Now I'm just like "whatever" when it comes to having friendships with others. But I know I can trust my family and close friends, and yet I still sort of avoid them. But I'm fine with it. So since I've overcome my problems, I guess I've just found out that I have a shy personality in general. Could this be it? (I'm a happy person now otherwise. I feel very lucky to have the life I now created for myself.)
(Wow - didn't realize all the drama and the impact it might have on me until I just typed all of this out.)
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reader, Augustflower81 +, writes (20 February 2007):
 HiI am in similar situation like you. I don't like talking or contacting people. In the end I have not got many friends left. I guess, I am losing them.
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reader, AskEve +, writes (20 February 2007):
Okay, first of all I want to ask you some questions, then I want you to get back to me if anything I have asked rings true or strikes a chord with you okay? Read them carefully and answer TRUTHFULLY...
Has anything traumatic ever happened in your life? Have you ever felt a grudge with the world or with a person? Have you ever felt worthless as if there's no point giving your point of view as no one listens to you anyway? Have you ever been belittled or made to feel small by anyone? Do you ever feel life's not fair? Do you ever ask yourself "is this what life's all about? Surely there must be more to life?" Are you happy with your husband? Do you feel you married for the wrong reasons or married too young? Are you envious of anyone you know? Do you ever feel your problems (if you have any), are caving in on you and you have no one you can talk to about them? Do you ever wish it were just you and your husband together and that everyone would just butt out and leave you alone? Have you lost anyone close to you recently? Have you recently started any medication?
Let me know how you get on okay, then I'll be able to advise you better.
Eve
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female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (20 February 2007):
Yes you are right,everyone is different,I my self are a bit like you,I love to be alone sometimes,but I dont think its good to be alone all the time,even though you are fine with it. Have you been to see your doctor? you are a lovely young woman and need to interact with others, you may be ok with this but just think how your friends and family must be feeling.This is only my personal view but why dont you leave 2 days out of your week and think "I will do my ringing round,send a view e-mails and visit my family in those 2 days" then you have 5 days left to do as you wish.Do it for your family and friends sweety,they proberly miss you like crazy.I wish you all the best xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxPS, keep me posted on how you feel.xx
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