A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Its a weird one this.. i struggle to mix especially with women.. i'v always had freinds but i never quite feel comfortable around people, more like a bumbling idiot really - at primary school i was freinds with Kirsty then one day another girl came over and said 'Kirsty doesnt want to be your friend anymore as you boring' i am 36 and that had always stuck with me - okay i'm not exactly the life and soul of the party,but i have friends in and outside of work people say i am funny and at times i'm 'on a roll' and dont think about it - but most of the time i worry what people think, that they hate me or think i am boring..I've moved to a new department at work i only see my old colleagues (who i used to have a laugh with at work) at dinnertime but i feel uncomfortable going over i find myself going off for a drive at dinner, i have suffered from depression in the past and have just stopped taking my antidepressants as i dont want to be on them anymoreI have become a bit of a recluse and prefer my own company not enjoying what i usually wouldPeople just look uncomfortable when talking to me - is it the way i look at them, am i making too much eye contact i dont know ?? I'm not really a girlie / high maintenance kind of girl and i struggle talking to that kind of girlI just want to be able to talk to someone and relax and not worry what they are thinking about me ?Any ideas please ? x
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reader, human_male  +, writes (15 November 2012):
 I joined a social and support group for people with anxiety and it's exactly like what you said... we can just completely be ourselves with each other and not have to worry about things like that because everyone is in the same boat and is going through the same thing. Maybe you could find something like that. Look online for meetup groups in your area.I also took a course in cognitive behavioural therapy and that helped with my social anxiety as well. One of the things I remember from it is to tell myself not to make assumptions about what people are thinking about me. When I get feelings like that I ask myself "What's my evidence for that?" And of course there is no evidence.If you're really struggling with this I strongly advise you to seek some kind of external help such as I've described. It's not something you can overcome on your own, well it certainly wasn't for me. But after a few months of therapy and socialising with the group I'm much better. Worth looking into.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): hiya, i think you have social anxiety because what you describe is something i have also been dealing with my whole life, e.g. feeling that most people are judging everything i do and say in a negative way (and ending up being in most situations a wallflower). I started therapy (cognitive therapy is maybe the name, not sure) a few months back because i was fed up of it all. To sum up, it made me change the way i perceive the world and my interaction with others. Part of the problem was that i have been obsessed with receiving validation from others since elementary school as i came from a different country and so other kids really made me aware of how different i was from them and i just didnt fit in (e.g. in my way of speaking, clothes). The therapy helped me start accepting myself as an individual and how to focus on myself and not always on what others want.i wish you all the best because i know that it's not an easy situation! take care
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