A
female
age
41-50,
*effnie
writes:My husband and I have some serious issues. The problem is the only one that thinks they're issues is me. Long story short we have been together for 8 years and married for four of those. There have been serious problems including infidelity, a sick child and more. We have managed to work through most of this but there are still trust issues. Our main problem lately is our sex life. I enjoy sex very much but his approach to it is a turn off. I've been able to get past the premature ejaculation, the lack of romance and the objectifying up until now. Before he actually seemed interested in me. Now it seems he only sees me as a sex object. He makes constant lewd comments and doesn't understand why it bothers me. I guess I should be happy that he still desires me but.... I just want some respect and romance. I am still a person. Not to mention some creativity in the bedroom would be nice. I have tried to talk to him and even tried to help out to no avail. I am starting to resent him and am scared my marriage is failing. Any advice would be great. Thanks!!!
View related questions:
ejaculation, infidelity, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): I've gone through this.
If you choose to stay in this, the most effective survival technique is to level the playing field. How this is done is create your own rules of happiness and survival.
Whatever it is you must do to get to the point of not being hurt by his words and actions, do it. He has already vote you off the island, so take your torch and put your happiness together:
1. Do all things in your daily schedule that bring you optimal health and happiness. That could be the gym, make a ton of money, donate blood, give your soul to your child, ride your bike, take a class for something you've always wanted to learn, et cetera.
2. Choose to never, ever allow yourself to be in a situation vulnerable to his put downs. If that means you walk out of the room, so be it. If it means you pretend you don't hear him, fine. It could be that you make your own bedroom somewhere else in the house. Just get safe from his emotional abuse. Never place yourself in the position to receive his unkindness. Stay clear.
3. When your man makes inappropriate sexual comments to you, he's telling you he's attracted to something outside of you. His idea of what turns him on is not you. So the big guns are needed: Level that playing field, get out there and do all those things that he does that don't hurt you. He goes to happy hours? You go. He flirts with women at the office and everywhere else? Go ahead and say hello to every man you think is cute. Make sure your one way street relationship ends now.
4. Be sure to treat him with respect and kindness at all times, and be firm when the health of you and your daughter is endangered by him. Otherwise, make sure you treat him nice for the record.
A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (6 March 2009):
 After my husband tried my trust, I had a hard time being turned on by his approaches as well. Seems our husbands read the same "How to get the wife in bed" book! I just tell him, straight up (which is the only way I communicate with him, it works best), I am turned off by your attempts. I am naturally turned on by you, and mainly at the thought of how it used to be, but being a juicy peice of steak makes our bed seem like a fantastic place to SLEEP. And, of course, it took a while for him to actually see what I was talking about, so when he tried other approaches, and they worked, he was thrilled, and so was I! I never "with held" sex, just reqire a little love, and positive reinforcement.
...............................
|
