A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys, Can you help me out?I have a good friend, who I have known for about 5 years now. we fooled around a little, and tried being bf/gf but it didnt work out and we stopped talking for a while. I got a bf and we started speaking again and went straight back to being close friends, i.e. speaking almost daily. He got a gf recently, and he has suddenly stopped speaking to me - which I found strange cause i spoke to him when i was going out with my bf - why would I stop, we were friends?anyway, i asked him one night why he hasnt spoke to me recently and he said that he "wants to see where his relationship will go" and tht he doesnt want any "interferance" - I then said why will speaking to me be me interfering, to which he said, "no you speaking to me will not be interferring, I didnt mean that". The he said "but we both know, that in the end, I will come back to you and you will come back to me" - which again, i though was a weird comment.But since then, he has completely stopped speaking to me. I am slightly hurt because I recently got a new joband wrote how nervous i was about my first day and everyone commented and liked it and wished me luck, and he completely ignored it even though he has been online and posted stuff.I just want my friend back, he always spoke about how speaking to me "grounded him" and that I have a "special place in his heart", kindda feel like a stranger now.I dont want to go on and on at him ignoring me, cause well, he is and i dont want to become a pest - but, when he put he was in a relationship on fb, I was so happy for him and he even brushed it off and wouldnt even discuss it with me, whenever I said friend things like "im soo happy for you" he would just write "lol". Im not saying his relationships are my business but as a friend, im just hurt that he has managed to completely cut all ties with me. what hurts the most is that this girl lives likes 100000 miles away and so I know that she isnt the one who is stopped him speaking to me.What to do.. I know being close friends doesnt mean you speak everyday.. but, whenever he told me he was nervous about his new job, I sat and gave him my time, writing a unfair dismissal letter for him, looking over his CV, being the first one he called when he was fired and now... this? I even said good luck to him whnever he has an interview - has he done that for me? No. simply because he has ignored me for weeks and doesnt even know that my contract was up, that I was looking for work and that I got a new job. Before anyone says it, no, I dont have feelings for him. Im just a little bit annoyed that a friend can just cut you out. I know that he cant speak to me all the time, but a wee "hello how have you been" wouldnt go a miss, or even "good luck on your new job" would have been nice too. helpp Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): Thank you for all of your advice.i guess i am a little codependant on his friendship. But, that's only because i knew that he was always there for me.when i failed my driving test and told him, he called me straight up and asked what happened, when he was feeling down, he said i would always put a smile on his face. i get that he has a GF, but, slightly shocked too as he said he would never put a relationship om Facebook. But, when i called her "his gf" he said "lets see" and i said, "no, she is your gf your in a relationship with her according to your fb" and then he said "well maybe she will be in the future but in just seeing hoe things go" - why even put it on Facebook then, that's what i don't get.i do miss him, and I'm hurt because I've never had a friend do this before and i don't know what to think. I wonder if i have even crossed his mind, or, if I'm just a stranger now to him.everyday, i want to say something to him, but, why bother, it wont change anything and even if it did - it would only be because i have forced him to speak to me.in the next few days i think i might write a message to him and just delete him - what do u think?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): The sad truth is that (and I've been through it too, but we were only platonic - it hurts like hell) you're too co-dependent on his friendship that you don't like the space he's rightfully putting in to try to get over you.
Sure, he's coming off as a little rude, but you want your friendship back and it would hurt him to have much contact at all with you until he no longer has any feelings for you.
Stop trying and give it a few months. Let him message you and, if he doesn't, take it as he's moving on and so should you. It's not fair to either of you or your partners to stay in a friendship with someone if one of you isn't over the other one yet.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 I know you don't have feelings for him, but he does have feelings for you. I think your friendship with him is too close for comfort for your relationship with your boyfriend. He ended it because it hurts to be your friend. You don't see this as a good thing but it actually is. Your boyfriend should be your new confidant. He is not happy with his new relationship. He only got into one just to see if he can forget you. He got one long distance so there will always be a reason why his won't work out, and to give way for you to come back in the future. So no weird comment about you and him getting back together. It's just his wishful thinking.
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