A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I cant live with what I keep doing with this guy. I know he isn't interested in dating me and just sees me a cheap thrill but everytime he hits on me I give in and we end up kissing and doing oral sex (never sex)and a day or 2 after it I feel bad, he says it's good and there is nothing wrong with it because we both enjoy it. I do it because I feel so flattered that this cute guy wants to get with me, I just don't have the courage to say I want to be serious and if not I think we should leave it. I have always been very respectful (and am still a virgin) but when I see him I just become very "easy". I don't want him to think I am "easy" but I don't think I can change what we have already done. Does anyone have any advice how I can say to this guy that yeah i do like you and i like what we do but i am not used to being like this and i cant keep doing it, without sounding soppy.He has a bit of a reputation as being a bit of a player and I know he wont change for me but is there a way i can possible end it or try to end it with a little respect although I don't deserve it.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 May 2010):
Something that makes you feel good but is bad for you and addictive....
You have to think of this guy as a drug. You get a thrill short term but you know it's bad for you.
So you just need to stay away from temptation and go cold turkey.
Do something to distract yourself. Arrange a date with someone else or go on a girly night where he won't be.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 May 2010):
 Stop beating yourself up about being 'easy' or having low self esteem. In 2010 women are allowed to do all sorts of sexual acts outside long-term relationships without being condemned for it - anyone who is criticising you for your conduct has issues of their own. We all make mistakes but this guy is a big mistake for you. He won't give you the relationship you are looking for because you are a fling for him. If he wanted a full-on relationship then he would have made it clear and he would be knocking your door down. This is obviously eroding you emotionally so you need to cut off contact with him for good. Tell him you don't want to see him again and that you have a boyfriend (if that makes you feel more confident about rejecting him). I had a similar on-off casual relationship when I was about your age - he seemed important (if unobtainable as a player) at the time but I often couldn't resist him when we saw each other out and about. I ended up cutting all contact and refusing to speak to him which was the only way to deal with it. He did try a few times to get back on my good side but I kept ignoring him. A few months later I had a nice boyfriend and it made me realised that all that time I had focused on Mr Player had left me unavailable to other men who had the potential to make me happier. I suggest you ignore this guy completely in the knowledge that there is someone out there somewhere who will treat you well.
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A
female
reader, arie  +, writes (7 May 2010):
 girl i think u just need to leave cuz evidently there is no respect here from this part, and yes u do deserve respect because u recognize that what u are doing is wrong and nothing good can come out of this. a player is always a player until he falls in love and girl if he aint sayin i love u and showin it, u need to get to steppin. ur only hurting yourself sweety and im pretty sure all he wants is the sex so i say bouce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): Wow, been there. Didn't like it. Couldn't escape not even for a weekend to clear my head. So this is what I did...first it was hard and embarrassing to admit that I was someones booty call but I had to tell two of my closest girlfriends about my obsession with the guy, and how I couldn't bring myself to let go. They rallied around me kept me busy, I met new friends, I realized I could be happy and respected by other guys and most especially myself! You can do it! Drop, block, ignore him, cos he is never ever going to see you as anything more than an easy opportunity. Lots hugs babe!!!!!! xoxoxo
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