A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Being alone paralyses me. I was with a really great guy for 6 months, but he wasn't the right guy for me. Things were going wrong but I didn't have the courage to end it. I could see the potential in us, and wanted to keep going. I thought I loved him. But I also didn't want to be alone. And also, I loved the way he made me feel.A boyfriend makes me feel better about myself, better than when I’m on my own, better than when I’m with my friends. Because of this, I feel like I’m an attention-seeker, and need guys to love me, because they learn to love me for ME, for my quirks.I think I am unable to love anyone fully, because I am so insecure within myself, I don’t know how to GIVE it back. I only feel normal when I’m out of the house with a boyfriend. At first I thought that was real ‘love’ but now that I’ve had two boyfriends, and the same problems have occurred, it’s clearly a problem I have within myself.And when I feel normal with a boyfriend, I feel I’m mentally stable, but all this time I’ve had a really unhealthy mentality: that only a boyfriend can make me the happiest. I feel an immense crush after break-ups, and literally feel depressed. And I don't know if it's because I miss them for THEM, or the way I feel in the relationship.I thought I knew what real love was, when you feel the happiest with them, but when real problems have happened, I've not been able to deal with it. With my first boyfriend, he had an eating disorder, yet it always affected me, and I didn't like it. I wanted to support him with it, and tried to encourage him and help him, but I think it upset me more, because I didn't want an unhealthy boyfriend. And he wouldn't help himself. With my second boyfriend, I was so relieved that he ate properly, and loved him for lots of other things. But he had huge problems with communication and money, and I didn't like that about him either. My first boyfriend supported me through my depression for a long time, and my second boyfriend supported me through two major things: my ex coming back in my life to 'get me back', and my anxiety. Yet I panicked and hated dealing with their problems, and felt their problems would lead to a break up eventually, anyway.I believe I should stay single for a while, until I get this problem 'fixed', but I have no idea how to go about it. Now that I know what the problem is, I don't know how to tackle it.
View related questions:
a break, crush, depressed, insecure, money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! |
