A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a man about six months ago through an online dating service. I found him on facebook and requested him as a friend. That is when we really started talking. This was in January. He told me he only pursues then dates one woman at a time. I asked him on FB to be my valentine and he never posted it. When I asked why he said his daughter wasn't ready for him to date. I accepted this (found out later his daughter was used to him dating and he had been engaged before) and said nothing else about it. We were already dating at this point but his daughter lives out of state so she had no idea. Anyway, he started getting a bit jealous about my male friends and began requesting all of my friends as his. I didn't mind the requests just the jealousy. He said he wanted mutual friends. After that statement I sent a request to all of his female friends letting them know I was dating him and we wanted mutual friends. I figured if I told them I was dating a friend they would be more apt to accept my request especially since mine was a new account with just seven people on it. I told him in a text about my requesting them and he went from not being able to get online to immediately logging in. Damage control I think. One of the women I sent the request to posted on my wall that I just caused her daughter to break up with my bf and she accused me stealing him from her. I dont see how since my bf was always available to go out or talk on the phone and unless he was with me he was always home (leg injury preventing him from working.) I asked him about it and he said they are nuts and ignore them. I did but I believe them. He unfriended and blocked everyone that did not accept my friend request and gave me his log in information although I did not ask for it. He periodically would accuse me of cheating and the arguments got ugly but he apologized every time the next morning. I moved closer to my family and my bf began staying here all of the time which I enjoy. We have not argued in a month, he does half of the housework without being asked and contributes what I think is more than his share toward all expenses. There are no unexplained calls, texts, or absenses but I still worry that he is cheating on me like he did her if he even did. Before me his profile didn't have a relationship status listed but now it does and is available for all to see. He has never become even minutely aggressive and never gave me a reason to worry about violence. The other day I decided to look him up in court records where he used to live. I am still in shock. In 2004 his then wife filed for divorce because of abuse and he was charged and found guilty. In 2008 he was charged and found guilty of abusing another woman. He was charged with repeat violence and he was ordered in to weekly counseling. This restraining order is listed as permanent. The court changed visitations with his daughter to phone only. There has been nothing new since then. He has no idea I know and this seems so unlike him. I just need an unbiased opinion on what to do. I am confused about everything now.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): I agree about the status posting personally but he did not want anyone trying to hit on either one of us and he wanted to prove to me that he wasn't keeping me a secret. (I never said he was but he got that idea)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): I think you know what need to do. You just need the courage to do it.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 May 2011):
 It's hard to say definitely what is going on here. Usually abusive spouses don't easily change their colors -- maybe this one has but you'd have to be the judge of that. However, with two strikes against him, I'd be EXTREMELY careful about him. I really think you need to have a talk with him about this to find out the circumstances about these. You may even want to see if you can contact his ex's to see what his was capable of.
It sounds like he is potentially controlling, being that he wanted to get in touch with all your friends on facebook. This is a sign (at least by Dear Abby's standards) of a controlling person. It also seemed like he was seeing, or at least stringing someone along behind your back, being that someone replied back that you caused them to break up.
Finally, I've seen facebook cause more "teen-esque" drama than it is worth. Seriously, is it really necessary to broadcast your relationship status on facebook?
At this point, I can't give you anything definite to go on, but I think you need to find out more about this man before you sink yourself further into this situation. There are a ton of red flags here.
Good luck.
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