A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just moved in to an apartment complex for low-income people. Before that, I was (1) ten days in a detox facility (2) 90 days in a rehab (3) one year in a Sober Living home and (4) six months in an (shared) apartment for ex-felons who are trying to move into their own place. It's been a long, hard, road but now I have my OWN place.At the Recovery House and in the temporary (step-up) apartment, we had constant monitoring. We either turned in our food stamps or paid $200.00 a month for food, we gave over 30% of our income for rent and we had Obama phones. We were to turn in all but $20.00 a week and that was to cover tobacco, tubes, bus fair, and so on. We were given rides to 12-step meetings, doctor's appointments, and so on. We were always together (traveling in groups with a monitor) unless we were in the apartment and then we had an itinerary we had to make up and follow to the tee. We had staff randomly show up on shopping trips (the only time we could have more than $20 on us) or to appointments or 12-step meetings or places of worship. Now, I'm trying to enjoy my new-found and well-deserved freedom but new neighbors are just as bad or worse than the ladies of the Recovery House and apartment! I got a small inheritance $10,000) that my sister is holding on to for me. She's doled out a little on my request for things like paying off (legal) fines, catching up on child support and hygeine items. Now that I'm here I've bought a couch/ottoman set (red), some vintage chairs (blue), an end tables and coffee table set (yellow), a book shelf, two air mattresses (one for me one for my visiting son), a desk, a dresser, two comforter sets, four sheet sets, four pillows, (all in sage green or chocolate brown) and I've really been having fun with it. I find good prices on line and there are some things I feel I deserve to have new. It's the first time I've lived with just ME since 2012 and the first time I've been sober to have it.I didn't tell anyone about my inheritance except my sister, my lawyer, the staff and now... no one. But neighbors see big packages come in for me - furniture - and they want to check it out. I work full-time 7 - 3 Tuesday - Saturday so I'm not always there when the packages arrive. I don't have a car so I can't "save" it at the post office. The main office at the apartment complex can't hold them for me so they're at my door. More than once, I saw someone pushing one of my boxes down the hall to keep for themselves! I stopped them saying I was expecting a big package and reminded them there are cameras in the halls and that I WILL prosecute but really, I just want my stuff I PAID for!I went shopping with a friend once and bought two 24-packs of toilet paper and I didn't even make it to my apartment with out several ppl stopping me and saying, "let me get some" no! I said I wasn't giving it away, I was stocking up. Still doesn't seem op people knocking on my door every time I get a package or back from the store - wanting something. Not even "Please can I buy a roll or two of toilet paper, I'm out". I get back from the grocery and knock-knock-knock "can you give me some food?"I always say no and I'm told I'm stingy or greedy and I'd deserve to have stuff taken (or even get my a** kicked for being rude!) I just want to live my life and have my own things! I want to be left alone! I work Tuesday - Saturday 7 - 3, I go to Non-Intensive Out Patient for addiction stuff from 9 - 4 Monday and I go to church all day Sunday and Wednesday evening. The other evenings I'm at Narcotics Anonymous meetings. So I can't babysit my packages when I'm gone and I can't just cut out of meetings or work or NIOP because I'm on probation and need to go.What is the best way to handle these neighbors? They keep making comments about how much money I must have and ask what I get for a check and how much I earn at the science museum I work at. I keep saying "none of your business" but apparently that's rude too!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for helping out. I'm not sure how I'd have time to train a dog and I'm worried about it barking while I'm gone. I love all dogs and I've dog-sat before: from brand-new poodles to a miniature pit bull! (Yes mini pits are a thing). It would be a good idea.
I'm going to ask the guy friend who helped me move to take me shopping for my kitchen stuff so when I'm bringing in all that they'll see his 6'2" 250lb guy with me. Maybe I SHOULD have male guests more often
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2020): I commend you on your comeback to mainstream society; but you also get my condolences for bad-neighbors. You apparently live in the sketchier side of town; where people don't offer you welcome, before checking-out how they might use or exploit you. I recommend you buy or adopt yourself a good guard-dog. If you can rescue a pup between 9-months and a year-old; you stand a good chance of training it to be protective of you. It will guard your home, and make a lot of noise when people are outside your door.
The very sight of you walking a medium-sized breed of dog (preferred pit, mixed German shepherd, or mixed-pit bull) sends the message that you're not to be messed with. It's sad when you have to fend-off aggressive neighbors who will take what you won't give, or insist when you refuse; but you have to protect yourself. I hope you have secure locks on your doors! If you ever come home and find the door open, don't enter, call 911!!!
First, you must also be sure of the rules in your lease regarding pets. You have to be good at teaching animals good-manners, and house-training a dog. If you aren't, Google it! Make sure you have patience with animals that sometimes don't respond to training without persistence. If you adopt, make sure the animal doesn't have a neurotic-temperament; nervous or excitable dogs are more of a nuisance, or liability, than a good-pet. They need love and a home too; but they also have special-needs that ordinary pet-owners may be unable to fulfill. You'll get complaints, and they are unpredictable. If the rescue center has a hard-time adopting the dog...that's a caveat, so beware!
There's very little you can do when you depend on package-delivery; unless you have a trusted-neighbor. That doesn't seem to be the case. It seems you've chosen the wrong neighborhood to be living alone. In the future, consider living in a multi-family house with a live-in landlord. If you live in an inner-city apartment building; you'll get neighbors like you've described. They're tough and impoverished communities in low-rent areas, or a large complex of many apartments; so you can't walk 10 steps without rubbing elbows with a menace to society. You're a lone-female; so now you have to prove yourself.
Pray, and keep your faith in the Lord. He also protects. You are a new-comer to that neighborhood, and they're testing your salt. They will intimidate you, try to take advantage of you, and randomly bully you; because they pickup on the fact you're rebuilding your life. It makes the wicked jealous, and they don't like seeing you succeed. It makes them look at themselves, and their own faults and failures. They want to make you feel you have to purchase their respect for your safety. For now, you have to live in the place you can afford. If you were assigned, or got it by referral; it gives you the incentive to keep fighting your way back, and to pursue even better.
It's not easy, but you will have to be rude. Rudeness is not being intimidated. You show any sign of fear, and they've got you! Past mistakes in your life brought you here, but rebuilding is the test of your endurance. God is with you, and has brought you this far. They will keep at it, but its usually a particular few; who keep an eye on you. They have nothing better to do with themselves; but to pick on the weak, and steal when the opportunity arises. Until you find a better place to live; and establish the fact you're not going to be bullied, they'll keep trying.
You're clawing your way back. God will test just how committed you are, and He will give you the strength and needed skills to survive your trials. Life in-recovery after drug-addiction is a long-road and a huge challenge, sweetheart. You need the Lord in your life more than ever; because darker-forces don't want to see you succeed. Pray each and every day, and keep-up your faith. You'll see the change. Be ever thankful for your blessings, and offer your thanks in daily prayer and grace. Remember when things were worse. This is just another test that you'll pass with flying colors! Goodness and mercy are on your side, or you wouldn't have made it this far.
As for the dog, it doesn't have to be a pit bull; but they're the best pets in an urban environment, and they get plenty of respect. Their reputation for being natural-born fighters and vicious is a stereotype. Only dogs that are abused and trained for fighting are vicious. They are affectionate and loyal dogs. Even good with children!
Check the neighborhood for nearby stores or pharmacies that are also package pickup-stations. Then specify your detailed delivery-instructions to your online-merchant.
You are a good writer. Someday you must tell your story in a book.
May God's peace, protection, healing, and His guidance be with you always.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2020):
 Keep telling them:" it's none of your business."
Don't worry about being rude, it REALLY is none of their business.
Some online and "brick & mortar" businesses let's you "schedule" deliveries, so you CAN try and have them delivered when you are home.
Unfortunately, you will find that people will make the presumption that you have a lot so you would WANT to share.... Especially people who have never saved up for anything or having to budget. And top it off, people who have or have had various substance abuse situations.
I'd say if you CAN, be a little more discreet with your purchases. Other then that? It's NONE of their business.
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