A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay so i broke up with a boy about a year ago because it was toxic and not good for either of us, but we were together a year and a half and are in the same social group, we've had a rollercoaster since then. he was messaging me saying we should get back together then making a twitter account calling me a fat, obbsessive. He then lied to me and we hadnt spoke for almost 4 months, excluding the times i was having medical issues, where he checked i was okay. he then messaged me on new year saying that im a waste of time and not worth anything and that we can no longer be friends. i know people say you should stay friends with your ex's but it is literally impossible with him. I dont know whats wrong with me but since about 3/4 of the way through the relationship i found myself crying most nights and its not stopped. Theres 17 of us in our social group and apparently i make it awkward, when were all together (last night) at like 2am i got a message from the boys in our social group saying im obsessive and i need to let my ex crack on with one of my oldest friend who is also in the social group, im so confused by the situation and i have had enough of crying and just consider moving schools to get away from it all
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 February 2016):
 I agree with Auntie Bim Bim
No NEED to stay friends with an ex, NONE what so ever. Specially when he is still being abusive. I say you BLOCK and DELETE him from your life. Phone/social media etc. Same goes for the boys who are sending you crap messages.. Auntie Bim is right they are full of shit.
The male friend(s) who think you are obsessive... sounds like your ex is spreading rumors and that you can't do much about. They will eventually (I hope) figure out that he is full of crap. And yes, LET him "crack" on with someone else. HE is no good for you, and probably not for the next girl either - but THAT is none of your concern. If your best friend wants to date him after how he treated you, she is an idiot, but SHE has to figure that out herself. And she will.
And I agree that talking to an adult you trust might be a good thing as well, either through the school counselor or your parents.
Changing schools may or may not be the thing to do. Talk to your parents first. Talk to a counselor too. If this group of friend are starting to side with him, you can end up as a target for bullying and you REALLY don't need that.
Chin up. Breaking up with that moron was a GOOD thing! At some point you will realize that being with someone who treats you like crap is NOT good. It IS better to be single than allow people to mistreat you.
So no matter how you look at it, you came out on top, even if it doesn't feel that way. You "cut" away something toxic and unhealthy - your EX - like a cancerous tumor.
It will get better, just DO NOT be afraid to ask for help. Specially from the people who REALLY love you.
A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (7 February 2016):
 Break up's are never easy anyway, there are lots of emotions to work through. You loved this person, then you break up and start to get abusive messages.
There's also the metal abusiveness which I can sense just from not being good for each other and toxic. That is a lot of strong emotions for someone so young.
As BimBim said, you don't have to stay friends with an ex. You also don't have to be in a social group with them.
I guess what i'm trying to say, is you need personal space. Take a time away from the social group, with modern phones you can block messages and calls from numbers. You can unfriend or unfollow on social media.
In short, until you're healed, you don't need to have any contact with this person.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (7 February 2016):
 The non stop crying is not good for you, have you spoken to your parents, or if that makes you uncomfortable, a school nurse or counsellor, who may need to talk to your parents afterwards because you will need some time and understanding from those around you, who love you, to help you get back on track. That's the most important thing, your health and well being.
My second point is a question ... who says you HAVE to remain friends with an ex, you don't! You can be polite and non confrontational when you meet or find yourself at the same social activity or event, but you DO NOT have to be his friend, and based on what you have said about his treatment of you, why the hell should you? So stop that right now!
Messages from a group of boys at 2am saying negative shit, yes, I use the word SHIT quite deliberately, could be construed as bullying! So block all these boys, you don't have to accept shit from them, treat them the same as the ex, polite and non confrontational when you meet, but otherwise it will be as if they don't exist.
As for the ex and one of your oldest friends, has she indicated an interest in your ex to you? If she has, then le.t them "crack on with it" If she asks your thoughts then let her know that you will be sad to lose her friendship but in the end the decision is all hers to make. If she starts siding with the other bullies then you may need to consider blocking her as well.
You are in a bad place emotionally at the moment, this is why I have suggested you talk with somebody older who you trust. I am just coming out of a bad place emotionally myself, where I just cried at the most awkward and inconvenient times (especially when I was trying to do my job),so I understand how confusing and horrible and isolating it can be, I hope my sharing that will help you understand that you are not alone in this, and that there are people who can help you.
So seek that help, I especially hope that your parents or somebody at school will be able to organise a few sessions with a counsellor, who should be able to help you develop and put in place some strategies to help you cope with, and then sort out these issues.
As an aside, if possible, copy and save those messages and tweets from your ex and the group of boys, not for any purpose other than to have them on hand if you find that you need them.
I wish you well, and hope it all sorts out for you soon.
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