A
female
age
36-40,
*a la land
writes:I am extremely frustrated with my boyfriend. Our sex life is rapidly diminishing. I'm so sad and I came to this site because I have no one to talk with about it. He doesn't want to talk about our sex life because it turns him off. I try to come on to him and get rejected every time. We live together and are committed to each other so leaving him is not a solution. I love him very much but I don't know what to do. Basically I just have to be quiet and wait until he wants sex. If I talk to my friends or his he gets pissed. I know he's not cheating, we are together most of the time. I'm just really sad....advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): You say, "We live together and are committed to each other so leaving him is not a solution."
I would say not being able to communicate about something as important as sex suggests that you are NOT in a commited relationship, at least emotionally. What he is doing is not fair and it's degrading and I suspect, it's a turn off to you!
You can chose to maintain a bad relationship or you can chose to leave. I suspect even threatening to leave may make him more open to the idea of at least talking about what his issues with sex are. Otherwise, you are just roomates with an opportunistic man.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (18 January 2011):
 This isn't a good situation. I think you guys have major communication issues and he sounds controlling. In a loving relationship, when there is conflict, ideally, people will talk to each other and work things out. Also, being denied sex in a relationship as close as yours (living together or married) is a pretty intense rejection. I can understand if he was sick or something, but that doesn't seem to be the case and I can relate to the hurt you experience.
There may be significantly more to this situation than what you are telling us and I think you honestly need to take stock of your relationship. Is this what you dreamed of? Can you see yourself with this guy for the next X years in this situation? What other problems does he sweep under the carpet? What other things does he control in your life?
I'd like you to read "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. She covers your situation. Also, you may want to take a peek at "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by the same author. Although you aren't married, it may apply to you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, christina00  +, writes (18 January 2011):
comunication is the base of a good relation!your lover is supposed to be your best friend!as a couple you have to care and fulfill each others needs! a failure is not a reason to quit from trying to talk to him about this! if he loves you he will take time to listen to you..its not all about him! u guys are even and love is not selfish.try to talk to him until he will listen.u cant change anything until he doesnt hear what u want or need and feel about this! if he loves u he will do something !! if not..is it really worth it?are u happy to live like this?i hope for the best ! take him easy and create a nice atmosphere when u talk to him! it has to work :)
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A
male
reader, Amph  +, writes (17 January 2011):
Try to image what you're living now for a length of time, say, 20 or 30 years. Is that acceptable? Because if you're thinking he might change, you're wrong. If sex is important as much for you as for the most of the people, then you've a only choice and you know what have to do, don't you?
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