A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 21 years. I recently realized my husband has a drinking problem. He will drink everyday if given the opportunity. It will be two years in August since the tragic death of our son, his stepson. I miss my son and I know his death has affected the entire family. My husband has always been a social drinker, but now he will drink whenever and where ever. I never understood alcohol nor came this close to observing it's affects. I love him but I don't like him right now and I know he needs help but I am at a point were I could care less. I have cried and prayed and he just appears to not care. When I question him about where he has been he becomes upset and states he leaves to avoid talking with me. Often he will leave and return intoxicated. He passes out instantly and does not recall anything that happened. We have no relationship we do not communicate. We live togehther in the same house and share very little space. There are no young children living in our home. However both children realize there is a problem. I Love him but he does not no it. I have tried tuff love tactics that don't work. I don't know if he is depressed or just a bonafide alcoholic. Please help I don't know what to do, which way do I go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice, some of the answers brought tears to my eyes. It is truly a blessing when people anonymously respond to the problems of others and are sincere. I now have a since of hope.
A
female
reader, cls1990  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 i agree with the other aunts, but having had experience with an alcoholic before i dont think aa or the doctors will work untill he admits he is an alcoholic.
we tried absolutely everything, silent treatment, talking to the family, taking him on breaks & days out to try and take his mind off it & even asking him to leave the house.
nothing worked untill he admitted what he was doing. we then supported him with the doctors appointments, aa meetings, absolutely everything we could.
It was a long hard process but we did it in the end, the cause of his alcoholism was depression. It has now been 3 years since he has had a drink.
I hope this helps & wish you the best of luck
C x
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A
female
reader, mariaxx +, writes (7 April 2009):
my mum married my step dad and found out he was a secret alcoholic 10 years later - in the meantime he'd been driving the family around while drunk, coming home pissed, taking money out of their savings account and all the while denying that there was anything wrong.
It has ruined all of our lives and split the family. Now, still 'together' at least under the same roof, he is retired through ill-health (kept getting drunk and lost a succession of jobs) and spends all day drinking vodka, him and my mum sleep and live in different parts of the house and hate each other. Christmas for me is a living nightmare of rows and drunkeness, and now i am developing a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol because it's what i know.
Don't put your kids through the pain of living with an alcoholic, if he doesn't deal with it, you must.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Firstly, My deepest condolences on the loss of your precious son, dear. I cannot fathom such a loss, as a Mother myself. Frankly, it would be enough to likely send me over the edge. So your courage and strength is commendable! My heart is with you, dear.
You love your husband and he's feeling pain, too. It could be his way of masking the sorrow he has experienced himself and buffering himself from seeing you suffer. And indeed, if you are grieving and feeling loss, I can fully understand the heartbreak!
You need help...both of you. Call the local AA office and seek some direction from them. Also call your family doctor for a referral to counseling. Your husband and you need some grief counseling, some relationship counseling to fix the cracks, the hurt, likely brought on by the death of your son. You both need to communicate and he may need some addiction counseling as well. Please get the help/reach out there are amazing programs that can help you both. Support and love each other through this painful journey. I wish you the best through this. Bless you both and good luck.
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