A
male
age
30-35,
*tdhurricane
writes:Hey guys, I have a situation that im in dire need of some other people opinions. I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 years now. Today I found out that at the beginning of our relationship when we were "exclusive" she was having sex with other guys, hooking up with other guys and was still getting with her ex boyfriend.We broke up later that year and then got back together, but then also today I found out that after we got back together she still had feelings for her exbf (who she had again dated while we were separated). I'm not quite sure what to do. I was not supposed to find out about any of the stuff that happened the information just literally fell into my lap. What should i do? Is it so far in the past that its unreasonable to get mad? Should I let bygones be bygones and not unearth some buried things?
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broke up, cheated on me, got back together, her ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 You have your answer.
A
male
reader, mtdhurricane +, writes (14 August 2012):
mtdhurricane is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys a little update, I confronted her about it yesterday and she freaked out about me finding out, didn't say anything in regards to what I confronted her about and has not talked to me since.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (14 August 2012):
Tell her what you found out, how you feel etc.Talk nicely and ask her to explain how it was from her side. If the ex was her first serious partner then that can be hard to get over and there is a "grey zone" where she has to check he is really history. Ultimately she has chosen you. Being a girl with guys hitting on you can be hard to manage. If your roles were reversed it might be you that has something to explain. Dont forget this is now and you love each other! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2012): Unfortunately, this often happens with late-teens/early-20s relationships because we don't see it necessarily being serious, a relationship for life and all part of enjoying our youth.
Doesn't make it right or less hurtful for you. But if you have "THE TALK" about being exclusive and one of you doesn't honour it, then the other person should get out now. It shows a total lack of respect and trust and you can't have a relationship without those two things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): OP before you jump the gun here what has she got to say about all of this?
Does she deny it? Do you know for certain it's true and not the just based on the opinion of one person?
You need to first have this confirmed as true, then you need to ask her what the deal is and was she doing that, if she says yes then dump her ass, no questions asked no comebacks.
But don't go flipping the lid just yet.
Get the full story first and get her explanation on things. Then decide what's best for you, but I would dump her in a heartbeat if it's true.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (13 August 2012):
The problem here is one of trust. You have proof that the trust you put in her three years ago was not warranted: she cheated and lied. Now the question is whether you can trust her now. Personally, I wouldn't, but this is your call.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 August 2012):
My question to you is this: If she was doing it then so much, are you sure she's not doing it now?
See, to me, this girl just can't be trusted. When you two were together at the beginning, she was there dating other guys including her ex. To me, that's pretty poor.
Then, when you got back together again, it was clear that she still had feelings for her ex.
To top if off, she hid all this from you and you only found out by accident.
I don't think she can be trusted. And I think that you can do better. You could place money on the fact that either she's still at it, or at some point she'll cheat again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): There is no statute of limitations for getting mad about cheating. If it was 20 years ago you have as much right to get mad as if it was last night.
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