A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 35 and my brother is 31. I found out last week that his chronic diarrhea was misdiagnosed as tropical sprue, but was actually HIV. I am from the caribbean so my family is still there, but I live abroad in the States. I have been for more than 10 years. My brother's doctor ordered an HIV test but the test somehow was forgotten or the doctor really didn't pay much attention. He was on antibiotics for months and months, and the illness didn't subside until some other doctor tested him just in case. And the big news came out.I'm utterly shocked, not because I think having HIV is shameful, but the fact that according to newer tests his t cells are in the 30's and his virus copies are in the upper 130,000's. He does not have a secondary infection yet, but if he did he would have full blown AIDS. I feel terrible, because I thought the diarrhea was something due to stress and I would try to counsel him about it. My parents are pretty overbearing, and compared to me my brother hasn't really moved out of home yet. He's very closed emotionally to me and my parents, mostly my parents, and my mother and father can't stop crying over the phone about this. We keep the results of his tcell and hiv test to my mom, although she knows he does have it just not how bad. She can barely function. I also feel exhausted, not because I don't like talking to my parents, but because I have never seen them suffer this much. And I'm always afraid something will happen to my brother. The doctor told us since his numbers are so precarious that it'll take him a bit more than a year to recover with ART. In the meantime he has to "try not to die", as my dad put it. My grandma and my uncle passed away last year kind of suddenly, I live abroad to I have a lot of guilt because I wasn't there when it happened. I had a very positive attitude when they got sick, because I wasn't there and people were telling me the illnesses weren't so bad. But then they passed away. I"m afraid the same will happen with my brother if I feel even remotely hopeful he'll be okay. I'm not sure I want comfort, but maybe stories or something logical. I've been scouring the internet for facts about people with these kinds of test results and what their chances are but nothing looks very promising.I told him to quit his job so that no one there can infect him with an illness but he doesn't want to. I guess all I can do is trust that he'll take care of himself and that he'll survive. Thanks for listening.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2018): Thank you WiseOwlE, this is the original poster. Medicine back home is basically the same as the US, except you pay for the quality. The first doctor was a gastroenterologist and someone our family trusted. But he did get sloppy with the testing which is why we're very upset. He saw another gastric specialist but since he was referred, he was never tested either.
Only after getting a third opinion from a general doctor did we find out.
My brother is a person who's very hard to read. I was able to have a frank conversation with him and he says he's not afraid of dying, only of suffering. I can't really imagine what he's going through, but he's putting on a brave face. I've been a little less worried since I've been hearing a lot of success stories even with people who have had bad test numbers. I'm aware that medicine is pretty advanced, and his current doctor is an infectologist. He sounds very confident he'll recover, and is actually surprised he hasn't gotten any other infections other than the intestinal inflammation which he prescribed an antibiotic for. He's still getting tested and he's starting medication next week.
Thank you so much for your prayers, I'm not particularly religious but I do mentally pray and try to be positive.
My instinct as his family is to shield him from harm, tell him to quit his job and make sure they're cooking food well, his is environment clean, etc. And while he should be doing these things (the staying safe and away from disease), I realize it's not reasonable for him to quit living his normal life. I'll continue to call every day and visit when he feels better.
A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (20 January 2018):
 If you are fearful of being positive are you saying that being negative will give a better outcome? It won't.
It situations like this the only direction to look is up. But you must realise that this isn't about you, it's about your brother and how he feels and the emotions and energy he emits from his thoughts.
Right now he will grieve as the news is still fresh but you need to help him to not stay in that place. Give him some time and then shower him with positivity. Your uncle and grandmother passed away, use the things you didn't do with them to help boost your brothers spirits. Many people live long happy lives with the disease. He can too.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2018): I am sorry you have received such bad news. Just bear in-mind, your brother is the one who is getting the worst of it all.
Being closer to the situation wouldn't really make you feel any better about it. I am quite disturbed that the doctor was so irresponsible and sloppy. From my own medical training, I know that HIV testing is often among a battery of tests when patients show drastic changes in other blood tests and serology-screenings. Many tropical blood-diseases mimic the symptoms of acquired immunodeficiency syndrome; which prompts the modern-trained medical intern to include the testing for HIV to rule-out its presence, as the second doctor realized. That's now water under the bridge.
Maybe it's more common in the the US. The first doctor seemed quite incompetent; but we also have to consider the high patient-load of interns and doctors in a small island medical facility. Healthcare coverage and the availability of good healthcare professionals are sometimes limited. Have faith. Many patients are treated by nurse-practitioners to cut costs for MD's and medical specialists.
Don't suggest he quit his job. It keeps him going and part of his rebound and recovery comes from not giving-up.
He has a more knowledgeable doctor now. If he follows his doctor's recommendations closely, takes his medications exactly as prescribed, and keeps up a good nutritional program, he will beat the odds. You should also throw in daily prayer for all the help you can get. Don't focus on his losing the battle, look forward to his healing. He needs to see that coming from all of you. It's what My family and I had to do when my own sister faced leukemia after remission from Hodgkin's disease.
Like any illness, my dear, each case is unique. Some comeback from very extreme downturns in their t-cell counts and overcome infections.
My gay neighbor's husband was hospitalized for two-months three years ago. He had pneumonia and some skin infections. Well, he recovered! His t-cell count is steady, and he is now working as a drug counselor in the state of Florida. He is doing very well I hear. Modern medicine has made huge advances in the research and treatment of immunodeficiency disease. Much is still not known, but the work continues.
God bless you and your family. I will say a special prayer for your brother and all of you.
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