A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend had cheated on me when we first started seeing each other with some girls from his university and he chose to tell me at the start of last month. We thought I was pregnant so he said he needed to tell me before the result. I wasnt pregnant. I agreed to let it go and forget about it but ive found myself asking him questions and im fighting with him to know the answers. Like who where when?. Its ruining everything for us but I cant stop myself. We fought last night and I left him but I do love him and it was five years ago and he did tell me in the end.
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cheated on me, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): We you both in a committed relationship when the cheating occurred? We you exclusive to each other at that time.
That is the difference here.
If the both of you were dating others at the time and not committed then I don't call that cheating.
But if he did cheat on you and you were exclusive then I would have a big problem with that. That would ruin the trust and I doubt if I could ever regain that trust again with a man. I would always be second guessing his whereabouts and I wouldn't want to live my life like that.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 You asked 'like who, when, where?'
Meaning you want to know all the gory details. Every tiniest aspect of this event that occurred
Don't humiliate yourself on that score.
It was back when you were perhaps a teen? And he may not have been as committed to you as he is now.
He must have been relieved back then when you did not want to know.. But now you do. It's called 'Retroactive Jealousy' and the Good Uncle Yos on this site is quite and expert on this syndrome.
Allowed to continue then Retroactive Jealousy could destroy your current relationship.
Is that what you want?
You could also try some counselling to help you put some things in perspective.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 January 2013):
I'm not seeing a question here but I want to say that when some people first get together they are totally committed, but for others they continue seeing others until it's clear that the relationship has become more serious
I dated a girl and when we started seeing each other I went out with another girl and didn't think much of it, I even assumed the first girl was doing the same. Come to find out she had expected exclusivity between us.
Another time I was dating a girl and I really liked her but I knew she was dating another guy. When things became serious with us she called it quits with him.
No big deal. Your boyfriend probably falls into the same category. Your relationship now is a completely different thing than it was at the beginning and as long as he hasn't given you any other reason to distrust him I'd try not to act like he was just with them. He obviously chose you.
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