| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello there,I'm a very jealous person, unfortunately. I am not proud about it. My partner is speaking to this particualar person and I know that they like my partner more than just friends. My partner won't stop talking to them and it makes me very jealous. I have seen conversations and I am not happy about it at all. I try and tell my partner to stop it but they wont. They say it's not more than friendship for them. But it's hard to believe. I just don't want to feel this jealousy anymore because it drives me insane! My partner tells me that they love me to death but I just can't seem to get secure with that. Any advice?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Well, it seems to me you're going to have to make a choice. You can choose to
a) let this bother you, stick in the relationship while going absolutely nuts with jealousy.
b) let it bother you, and make him choose - the friend or you. This is usually a pretty messy choice to make.
c) accept your jealousy for what it is, but know that your fella loves you and grit your teeth and trust him.
Trust your instincts here. Do you feel that your fella is committed to you 100%? Do you feel confident in his love for you, and in his purely platonic friendship? Do you really feel like he has ZERO feelings for her and that he has nothing but friendly intentions? If the answer is yes to those, I suggest that you learn to trust him and give him his freedom to keep the company that he pleases. If you make this choice, go for the ol' method of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer. Invite her out to dinner with you guys, or out to the bar. Keep your eye on her, if you need to. Jealousy is a tricky mistress to tame... it's not something you can erase from your feelings, but it is something that you can learn to control.
If you can't be confident in your partner to make the right choices and to not give into any temptations he may have, maybe this relationship isn't a very good one to be in for you. It seems doubtful that he is going to drop this woman out of his life. You can try and ask him to drop her. Definitely step back and evaluate the whole relationship. Is this emotional energy worth it?
Have a talk with your partner and really think about things. Jealousy is something you're going to have to battle your whole life and in all of your relationships, if this is just part of who you are. You just need to decide whether or not this fella is worth that battle. Good luck, sweet!!
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Oh u and me both..Once i saw this text between my husband and this chick I had no idea who she was but I didnt like what it said, I confronted him got into a big argument...how i solved it I told him I wasnt very comfortable in him talking to her unless I meet her, and her bf..Im jealous person from time to time but ive learned how to control it. Our men are going to have women they talk to and we cant control who they can or cant talk..All we can do is discuss it like adults and tell them were not that comfortable due to whatever reasons and hope they take it in to consideration. Put ur jealousy and trust issues aside bc it will affect ur relationship in a negative way.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Still trying to understand how the mind works??
If it's really hot outside, you go in the shade. If you get really sick, you go to the doctor. If you are hungry, you go get food.
If someone else is driving you insane, you stick around and let it happen. When someone ask you why? You say it's because of love...for what? The love of being jealous, having to feel lied too, lack of trust, mind games?
You know when it's time to have shower, eat, brush your teeth, sleep, and any other daily things needed to look after yourself. But you don't know when it's time to really look after yourself? You went from love, to jealous, and soon to hate.
Ask yourself if you want to get to that point.
Heck, it takes way too much energy to hate, be jealous, angry, etc. You better better things to do.
If he really loves you, then this would have been done before it got started.
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