A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can any guys out there help me?How can guys be so nice, loving and affectionate to someone they don’t even care about!!?? I was friends with a guy for a few years. We would hang out but never really did anything even though he always wanted to! I finally slept with him just before he was due to leave the country (as I thought I would never see him again!). As it happens he came back after two months and tried hard to contact me but I wouldn’t pick up because I had barely heard from him since we had sex! Anyway, he flew back and forth for a while only contacting me occasionally but never arranging to meet up with me! By his lack of interest and the 'distant' vibe he would give off on the phone, I had to concede that he was no longer 'into me' so I then couldn't see the point in him calling me! If he were trying to meet up and flirting with me (like he used to) on phone, then I could safely say that he was trying to make me a 'friend with benefits' or something! But since he was never asking to see me I really didn’t know why he keeps on calling me! Then one day I said "you don't treat me as special anymore" and he said "No, cos I've changed my mind about you" . This didn’t really mean much to me at the time as this is the way we would joke with each other! But the next day I had had enough of all the messing about and about hearing about him and his celebrity lifestyle and him not being keen to see me etc so I sent him a text saying he shouldn’t mess people about and that he only changed his mind about me once we had had sex! I told him how much that hurt my feelings and that I must’ve obviously misread something somewhere to have ever thought he cared about me! He did not even reply and then about 4 weeks after that I sent him a forward email about "friendships", Again, He didn’t reply! Then last week I HAPPENED to be online (after I unblocked him hehe!) and after awhile he said hello how u doing etc.. just small talk! I don’t know why he even bothered to say hello as we could have just left it and never spoken to each other ever again! I mean, you are not OBLIGATED to speak to anyone online just because they are there.. are you????I really don't 'get' guys now, this guy was only my 3rd ever sexual partner and now, because of the emotional torment and his 'Charlatan' behaviour, I don't know whether I can ever trust a guy again!! I really thought he was a genuine guy and we'd known each other for years and been there for each other through difficult times! Can't believe he could do this to me, its more the loss of the friendship I am feeling.Really missing having a male companion.. Really missing this guy and I know I shouldn’t! I have taken all the necessary steps to rid him from my brain but it doesn’t work! Its been six whole months since I've seen him and it still hurts the same! I just don’t get why I would still want someone who could be so mean! What is wrong with me????
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female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Ok, your additional info get me more clear :)ok.. i tell you what..when you ask :"How could my best friend do this to me..?!?"I can tell.. YES, he could. Men..can do that. I have been there.. suffering on bed for 10 days, went crazy for months..just because a man that i love left ..just G O N E!when i asked why? did i do something wrong? did i respect u? etc etc etc..he gave me a ridiculous reason :"your future will be better without me"On that time, i felt this didnt make sense, how come a guy who spent 7 days a week having such a thought. But noww.. i guess he's right! my life is better without him.. LOL!Ok, back to your problem.. there will never be a satisfactory closure. Baby duck said that, I said that.. and i am sure many women out there will say the same thing to you. Just forget him.. it's time move on. It's just wasting your time to think of him even for 1 second.Many good men out there and they know how to respect. In my opinion, this man tries to stay away from you slowly, just to prevent you got hurt.So.. show him, you already dissapear before he realizes, ok? be strong, girl! You are not aloneIf you don't believe it, I will believe it until you believe it! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question called him at the weekend and he didnt even recognise my number!! (mustve taken it out his phone!!), anyway we were having a general convo and i needed to go so i said i would call him back! he said he couldnt speak at the time as he was "on another call" yeh rite! anyway, it is my theory that he only took my call by accident and when realised it was me he just gave polite conversation but had no intention of ever speaking to me again (he never did call me back!) I sent him a text mesage yesterday asking if we could talk and if he could let me know a good time (when he'd b free) he replied "ok, will do!" but I knew right then and there that I was only being fobbed off and that i wudnt hear from him again. The only trouble is now I will NEVER get the closure that I SO need! What do I do??? can someone help me pleasse as i think i am going mad with this!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionat the end of the day , if thuis guy REALLY wanted me, I think by now I would know about it!!
He had sex with me SIX whole months ago and I HAVE NOT SEEN HIM SINCE!! Before this we were best mates so it's of no surprise that I am hurt!! I am, in fact grieving!! How could my best friend do this to me..?!? I am HEARTBROKEN!! I wont ever see him again!!
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A
female
reader, Jolin +, writes (13 August 2009):
my friend,no woman in this world - i believe- can drive a man what to do. You said you couldnt appreciate his small talk on messanger...well, to women, it might look cheap - i agree, because i am a woman. I know how a woman feel. But for men, well it's a conversation. Men and women live in the different world. That's why there are books discussing about men and women behaviour. That's because men and women react differently.What i see is, from your story.. he tries to contact you, but you feel his efforts are not enough in getting back in touch with you.I think you'd better cooling down first..and think whether you really really want him exist in your life. If you are sure that you want him, you have to start to accept him just the way he is. He may be not as romantic as the guys you are hoping. But , i think he has many positive values.. so just calm down. Don't follow your anger and dissapointment in making decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the advice! To some readers i appeared to be "playing games" ? I need to say that this really is not so... I was never really sure where i stood with this since ha would always blow hot or cold. So u see, i really couldnt take anything for granted. If he really liked me then surely I would be worth more than a chance meeting online!! also he would be wanting to see me wouldnt he??? so if i appeared to be "game playin" then it's because i need to protect my heart and try my best not to suffer any more of that painful thing they call rejection -my heart is still VERY sore!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didnt appreciate the odd 'hey' on instant messenger! I thought I was worth more than just this and he also didnt say much more than just chit chat, small talk! Didnt really show any interest in me as before so what could I say more than hello back?
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A
female
reader, Jolin +, writes (13 August 2009):
you are so confusing..sorry to tell you this truth.
You miss him, but when he approach you..you're kinda make a space.
You are upset since he didnt reply your text & email, but when he tried to talk to you again through online chat..you are unhappy...
so, what do you want actually?? you can't want and "slap" this man on the same time. sooner or later, men will run away leaving you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate what you have said and I know how things would seem like that but there is so much more to the story that if you knew, you would probably not say what u've said...
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