A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend now for just over a year and a half, things started off great, at the time I really did find her attractive and have feelings for her but now I find it has all changed.I just find now I don't feel how I used to about her, I feel as if I still love her and don't want to hurt her, but I don't love her in a way that I want to be with her. The relationship is not how I thought it would have been, she is quite controlling and causes a lot of arguments over small petty things.I just feel the time is right to end it, I'm getting wandering eyes and just don't feel the same any more. I feel I need freedom as I'm missing out of things like time with friends because of her.How can I break up with her? We're both 17.. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, karen1989 +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I know people who think that something in thier relationship has disintergrated and the feelings they once had for there partner arent so strong, or have dissapeared completely. As a result of this the relationship has ended...However the time spent away from thier partner (now ex) has taken its toll and they've realised that those feelings never dissapeared and that they just needed a break from the relationship.
Maybe instead of making the possible mistake of breaking up with her completely tell her you feel that you both need some time apart you inparticually need to be left alone just so you can put your feelings for her into perspective.
You say she has become controlling,and starts petty arguments. There must be a reason she has started doing this?..maybe shes under a lot of stress at the moment,maybe you've been slightly off towards her lately and shes reacting to you.
The two of you need a heart to heart-find out why shes been acting this way,then spend some much needed time apart.
Good luck :)
Karen.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 You need to sit her down and tell her that although you still care a great deal for her your feeling have changed and you won't be able to give her the loving relationship that she deserves. It will be hard but its better to do it quick otherwise months could turn into a year and now you're really unhappy about the situation. It's best not to drag it out and to tell her the truth. The only time I wouldn't tell her exactly how I felt if something that would really hurt her self esteem.
Bring up the controlling issue in the nicest way possible. This way she may learn from the situation and better herself in the future. The best thing that can come out of a break up is for you both to learn a little more about yourselves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): This is actually a pretty typical situation. Girls, don't like to become heart-broken, (not that anyone would anyways), but you should still be considerate about it. Be nice and let what you want to say come out in an orderly manner. Tell her the truth on what you are thinking and feeling. Explain the position of where you are standing right now, and calmly tell her that you want to break up. Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): This is actually a rather common situation. Not all relationships work out, and you, like many others, have began formulating thoughts that things have changed, (as you have listed). Girls hate to be heartbroken, (as anybody would), so with that you should still be considerate. Explain the position you currently stand at and hopefully she'll understand. Whether you'd still like each other to be just friends or not, that's your personal decisions, but otherwise, just let her know how you are feeling about your relationship, and gently tell her in a nice way you'd like to break up. The best thing to do is say what you feel, tell the truth, and try to do it nicely. Hope this helps a bit.
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