A
female
age
51-59,
*osey
writes:Hello Aunties!I have been with my bf for 3 1/2 yrs, we have lived together for the last 2yrs. He treats me like a queen...however....his ex who lives in another country and has been engaged throughout our entire relationship is a problem. They dont have any children together just a dog but she owes him over $20,000.00! and of course cant pay him back. He just recently (as in just 3 months ago) told me about this huge debt she has to him even after NUMEROUS times I have asked if there was more to their relationship that i should know about. You see even though they broke up "because he was tired of her shit!" according to him! He gave her $10,000.00 within 6 months of her moving to this other country. When him and i were dating he would drive her around any where she wanted to go when she came to visit. He had to see her anytime she came to visit, she would ask him to send her products she couldnt get where she was living and he would send it to her. SOOO after she maxed out his credit card (before he met me) $15,000.00 he then loaned her $7,000.00 more for her and her fiance to start a business (we had been together for 2yrs at this point)...which failed! Hense she owes him over $20,000.00. She hadn't paid anything in over 6 months so the credit card company called him, thats how he found out she hadn't been paying the bill. (he totally denies having any feelings for her I have repeatedly asked btw) So we have fought about this now a few times and just today we fought over this again. I asked if she has given him anything towards her debt and the answer was No you cant bleed a stone. But on her facebook she just joined a gym i told him so if she can afford that than she should be able to give you something towards her debt to you. I was told he was taking care of it (which means he is paying it and not bothering her for anything) and it was "NONE OF MY BUSINESS!" Now Thats the part that hit me hard....none of my business???? We live together i think it is my business! Am I wrong??I feel disrespected and i feel like my feelings and opinion dosen't matter at all! This woman took his kindness for granted played him for a fool for a longtime (and still is) and he still wont end his relationship with her. (bar getting his money through court, which is out of the question i can see!)Am I wrong? Is it none of my business?Thanks AuntiesBe well!
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broke up, debt, engaged, facebook, fiance, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): If you're common-law, exercise your legal rights and get it split down the middle. I know you lost it when you got the news. The caps say it all! "NONE OF MY BUSINESS!"
It doesn't have to be any of your business. End the fighting.
Now you know the facts. End it and move out. Take your half with you. I guess you knew the legal risks you were taking to live with a man so long, and not be legally married to him.
I guess he's not the only fool in this mess.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): You are not his wife but decided to live with him anyway, which is a good arrangement for him but it does leave you with very little rights to commenting on his finances as long as he's carrying his half of the living expenses. You might want to look at getting your own place until he can be with you once his past baggage is sorted out. I'm sorry you are in this situation and maybe it's a good thing you found out. There is usually a reason men aren't willing to move forward in a relationship and it's cowardly on his part to do what he's doing!
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A
female
reader, hosey +, writes (25 September 2013):
hosey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your opinions and advice. i feel i must address wiseowl though..first id like to say i am not hysterical never have been and certainly not a nag actually far from it. However this situation has been going on for sometime now and yes there is more to the story with this woman. That is why i have asked him at times about his feelings for this woman because it just doesn't add up to me. If you are tired of someones shit why in gods name would you do all these things? (repeatedly) it just doesn't make any sense. FYI in Canada if you live with someone for 12months or more you are considered common-law...in court all is split down the middle just as if you are married. Our finances are together. Our bills everything is one, we live as a married couple. Just wanted to clear that up thanks again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): Your nagging and provocation isn't doing the situation any good. It really isn't any of your business; if all you have to offer is hysterics. It was his credit card and his money, not yours.
Unless you have joint accounts, and he has taken money from you; why is it any of your business? It was a favor and business transaction gone wrong. He got burnt. You're only adding insult to injury.
He didn't tell you, because he was embarrassed; and he knew you would only behave as you are. If the situation was reversed, I would find it hard to believe you'd admit it either. In fact, don't sweat it. Let him bail himself out of this mountain of horse poop. Calm your nerves.
If he was fool enough to offer her such large sums of money, and didn't get his ex and her fiance' to sign a promissory note; let this be fair warning to you not to let this man anywhere near your assets. I think he was giving her guilt-money. Restitution of some sort. There may be more than the eye can see.
There is a silver lining. Now you know, and you can consider this a red-flag; and you can walk away. Wash your hands of the whole mess.
Your anger adds another complication to the matter, not a resolution. I strongly urge you to settle down. This is his war to fight.
He is apparently a fool with his money. He has learned a hard lesson; but your hysterics are of no help. It serves you no purpose to raise your blood-pressure. It's his debt.
If you were married, your rage would be more than justified. Girlfriends don't have the same legal privileges as wives, unless it is offered to them. You have no legal recourse; nor any say in this matter.
So let it ride on his shoulders and chill out. Celebrate the fact you aren't married to him.
This is where being just a girlfriend is the position to be in. You don't have to stick around and put up with it.
In simple terms. Support him, or leave him. Personally, I'd just put him in the friend-zone. Hide your personal assets!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 September 2013):
 Whoa. He's been lying to you for 2 years about his financial disaster?
Is he that gullible and insensitive? Really? Are you even certain he's told you the entire truth? I would be very concerned that he'd been lying about this for the past 2 or longer years.
I would seriously reconsider the decision to move in with him and perhaps decide that a guy with this kind of weird financial morass needs some time to work it out. On his own. Without me in the house.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (24 September 2013):
 This is a strange one indeed and your boyfriend must be very wealthy because i don't know many people who would loan someone such a vast amount of money without any real chance of ever giving it back. Also him lending money for her and a new partner to start a business???...sounds fishy!
Whichever way you look at it, there are good reasons to state it's your business but there are also good reasons why it isn't your business.
Knowing about it and nagging him to sort it out, will damamge your marriage I am sure of that.
Does the fact she owes him so much money leave you in financial hardship? or is it just the principle you are worrying about?
Fact is, as much as you bitch and moan...HE cannot make her pay it back unless he takes court action and if he does not want to do that perhaps he just wishes to 'suck up' his mistake and let it die quietly!!
What is your relationship like in general? Do you have a good loving life together or are their other issues of concern?
The fact that you are now checking out her FB page and making comment on her movements will only irritate him more and we all know how men behave when they have someone pushing and poking them!!
I think you have two reasonable choices:
Choose to stay out of it and let him handle the situation, try to build some trust in his love for you and the happiness you have with him.
or
Walk away and don't be with someone who has so many hidden secrets and money issues.
If you get your boxing gloves on and jump in the middle of it, I guarantee you will come off worse, but if you suspect him of cheating and you dont trust him, then it's going to die eventually anyways.
Not the greatest of choices but the best I could come up with at 23.26pm xx
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