A
male
age
18-21,
*irmenswats
writes:About a year and a half back I went to a online school. Now I meet one girl in one of my classes and we started taking usually for 1 or 2 hours a day, however soon it grew to like 9 hours per day sometimes more, in the one year time period I got to know her really well we meet in person 3 times during that, she is like just like me and to be honest I had no clue at the time but I loved her, and so we decided to date for a while, then decided we would just remain as friends. Later that month she learned that she had stage three depression she has no friends but me and has no brothers or sisters and her mom is abusive and dad doesn’t care much to talk to her and I asked her to see help she said it would only make it worse it got so bad she blocked me, from all communication methods I had with her, she then went to summer camp for the whole summer. She is now taking to me but every time I hug a girl or boy (I’m bi), I get this sinking feeling that I am cheating on her or betraying on her. I can’t stop thinking about her. Help?
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female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (29 January 2019):
You're not cheating on her. Worrying about her as a friend is one thing, and really nice of you might I add. But that does not mean that you can't have other friends or date other people, since you're clearly not in a relationship.
Being available to her as a friend is what you can do for her. But don't feel guilty for being friendly with other people.
If you don't know how to help your friend, find people who can help you with it and talk to them.
If you feel happy, you might be able to help her through it as well. But if you burden yourself with guilt (when you're not at fault) you won't be helping either of you.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2018): You are allowed to have friends and meet other girls, or boys. You're just friends and not dating anymore.
She is going through a tough time; and you're really too young to understand, or deal with her depression. She also claims to have some serious family issues; but I want you to be careful about judging her parents, when you don't really know the entire story and all the details. Only what she tells you.
No, you're not cheating on her. You're really too young to be serious about a relationship; and should enjoy making friends and seeing other people. A hug is a way of showing affection and being a warm person. They can be a greeting, or saying goodbye to a friend. They aren't always romantic. It's okay if it is. She's not your girlfriend anymore.
Because of your age, it would be healthier if you lighten-up a little; and not be too intense about that young lady.
She's dealing with things a little above your head and beyond your level of understanding. When it starts making you worry about making friends; that's a sign you need to give her some space.
At your age, you need to be more focused on school and having fun. Be a kid. If you get into complicated relationships when you're too young; it messes with your head, and can cause you to develop some problems of your own. She needs to see her doctors, and be under adult supervision until she is well.
If you're her only friend, that says more about her problem than you can understand. Being her friend shouldn't mean you aren't allowed to date other people.
You have plenty of time for dating; but if you're under 15, what you're getting yourself into might be too much at your age.
Just be a good friend and someone she can trust. Don't try to make it a romance; because she needs to workout things with her parents, and get therapy for her depression.
If worrying about her keeps you from making friends; then it's time your parents should be involved. Not going to strangers for advice, when you have your folks. Someone needs to keep an eye on you. Don't leave your parents out of this. They can advise you too. If you're avoiding their advice, that's not good. You should discuss problems like this with your parents; so you won't take on more than you can handle by yourself. We're not there to watch over you.
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