A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My long distance boyfriend who I have known for eight months has recently began to take a long time responding to any messages that I send him. I asked him yesterday of why that is, and he said that normally he is doing multiple things on his computer at once, though he does read every single one of my messages. He has written to me that he cares about my feelings, and that he wants me to be happy, "no matter what". He admitted that he is irresponsable and immature, I am the first person that he has ever dated, and told me that I can do much better than him. He said that his advice would be to leave him while I still can. He also wrote to me that "I don't think anyone loves me, and I don't really care".I responded by telling him that I unconditionally love him, and also provided a definition of unconditional love and what it means (he does not know what the term means). I told him that I want him to be happy and to learn to love himself, that I truly care for him. I told him that regardless of what he becomes in the future or of how he acts, I will still love him and give him my best. I do want to spend the rest of my life with him, and want to make him happy.He is age seventeen, and I am of age nineteen. But i know that age is nothing. No matter how old he gets, I will always love him.But he has told me that he doesn't care if I leave him or not.I intend to stay with him and love him, regardless. Am I making the wisest decision? Please give me a full and honest answer to this. Thank you so much.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 April 2013):
Im going to be honest with you - at your age, "no matter what" and "unconditional love" last about six months tops.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): Most of the time, long distance relationships never work.You said that your boyfriend doesn’t message you often. Relationships are all about bring there for the ones you love. At this point, he is probably talking to other girls (you don’t know WHAT he is really doing in his area). He told you that you are probably better off with someone else. He is probably hoping to distance himself from you so eventually you will break up with him. My LDR was great in the beginning, but as time when on he wanted to talk less and less and would ALWAYS make excuses not to message me... I eventually broke it off, which was good because he later admitted he was sleeping with another girl he had just met and was planning on having a relationship with her.It sounds to me that, if you do have very deep and firm feelings for him, he isn’t cherishing or appreciating them much. What has he done for you to show how much he loves you? Your ‘boyfriend’ has lost interest and attempting to gain it back would be pointless. It sounds like your “unconditional” love may benefit him and make him happy, but it can also prove to be very self-destructive for you. Is that pain worth it? If you really are willing to spend the rest of your days with this child (that’s what he sounds like) just to make him feel good, expecting nothing in return, then go for it. Don’t expect it to have a happy ending for you, though. After all, he will assume, if you love him unconditionally and are completely selfless, then you don’t ever try to influence, limit, persuade, or set any standards. You must be willing to have him not respond, and even ignore you and LET HIM HURT YOU if need be, because that’s what unconditional love is. Do you think he will ever understand or appreciate what it is you giving him, and what you are giving up?Is he making every possible effort to contact you, 24/7? Is he willing to make every effort to live close to you and to make sure he’s always with you? Does he care about whether or not you two are together, or can he live without you? Unconditional love is thought by many to be nonexistent. If that’s really what you feel for him, which is an extremely rare thing, nothing should stop you from loving him. But I think right now, the only hope you have of being happy is either he grows up and treats you with the respect this type of love deserves or moving on. Most likely if he isn’t already he will start to explore other options. Sounds to me like he isn’t mature to know the full seriousness of what you are telling him, especially if you have told him you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Has he responded at all to that? He might be afraid of commitment. If he doesn’t care if you leave him or not, he may have already given up on you. What do you get out of all of this? Stand up for yourself and show more backbone! You have to talk to him if you haven’t already. Never, ever stay in a relationship if you are not happy. You are only hurting yourself. If he said he wants you to be happy no matter what, he broke his promise by ignoring you. By acting like an ass he is also taking advantage of you and your selfless love. And when a guy says “I don’t think anyone loves me” when you love them is the biggest insult that you can possibly get.Why not just leave him? He might get hurt, but it won’t last forever. I don’t think you will be of any loss to him. Don’t waste any more time with someone that doesn’t deserve it. Thank god you have only been with this kid for eight months.If your feelings really are unconditional and you care nothing for yourself, stay with him.But I think that instead of this effecting you, be independent and confident. Break up and find someone who will be there and treat you like a queen. Don’t let him know that you are missing him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): ""I don't think anyone loves me, and I don't really care" OP that kind of behaviour gets tiresome pretty damn quick I can tell you. If your not careful then not long from now you are going to be an adult female with responsibilities and adult issues to solve, and he is going to be an adolescent kid sulking like a child. Will you want to offer this "unconditional love" to him if you are playing mother and he is playing the child?Unconditional love doesn't exist in the real world honey.
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A
female
reader, maisy1  +, writes (29 April 2013):
OP im just a little older than you and have been in that same situation a couple of years back. Me and my BF got together at 15 (me) and 16 (him) and thought it would be for ever and ever...I got to 20 and he was 21 and we thinking about marriage. But not long after he realised he just wasnt the same person any more. He realised he wanted to experience different things with different people and didn't want to spend all his adult life with one person. I was shocked as I thought our love was unconditional and would make us stick together through thick and thin. Now I appreciate that I was very naïve. One minute my BF was talking about ambition and success and planning out our future, the next minute he was saying that he appreciated how idealistic he had been in his plans and dreams. He left his studies full of hopes and dreams for us and went out to work but struggled to find a job, had a lot of problems with being bullied in the workplace and dealing with his parents divorce. He changed into someone I didn't recognise at the time but now I understand the change as i've been through it myself. I am 23 now and look back four years to when I was 19 and can understand exactly what Zippy78 is saying. I was just a kid back then in all honesty OP. Iamheretohelpyou Is right when she says don't take teenage relationships too seriously. At 17 year boyfriend is just a boy really and has a lot of growing up to do. Your barely started into your journey through adult life.
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