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female
,
anonymous
writes: About two weeks ago I broke up with my fience of 3 years. I am 21 and he is 22 and we are both in college. Seven months ago I had moved across country for school. Just before I left he proposed and I accepted. When I was away he would call or text me multiple times a day and get upset if I would not talk to him for a day or two because of being busy with school.Finally we got into a big argument over how I was spending my time home over the break and I just snapped and broke up with him a week before I was coming back into town to spend two weeks with my family.A few days before coming into town he e-mailed me saying he was sorry he didn't listen to me and saying he wanted to talk and resolve things. Before this he said he did not even want to be friends anymore and now he was saying he would still like to be friends.So we talk... but the same things come out. He wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend (toning it down from fiance) but I strongly feel like I want to be single for a time. (not because of another guy,but I feel like I need to make my own choices).He took it pretty hard and is not talking to me again.Is there anything I can do, or will I just make things worse?
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 December 2005):
 If you really want to let things be better then just let him go on about his ranting and raving about this. He's acting this way because he is not getting his way about this. He'll definately change his tune in a little while of missing you. You could say let's have coffee together and that's it. Maybe when he understands that you are making an effort; then it's silly not to spend what little precious time you have offered him, with you. As for breaking up I'm glad it's not because of another guy however smothering is always hard on each other and he just feels like he's not getting your attention. Which is true but you do need to make your own decisions. Lot's of people have gone off to college to develope their particular adult lives. Just because he didn't go with you doesn't mean you wouldn't have developed without him. You do your thing and maybe the two of you will still be together when you and HIM are not so busy. Just remember that everything changes and either you will grow together or grow apart. Let him settle himself down and see what type of friend he will become; either your best or your worst, or just a friend. But, don't stop your life for him and his childish behavoir. Good Luck. Ed
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