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female
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*rokenhearted
writes: My bf of 3 years recently kissed another girl, we broke up! We hadn't eally been getting on for the past 6 months, well not not getting on its just we were both too busy for a relationship!Anyway I love this guy, I really really really adore him! I'm completely heartbroken! I know hes hurting too hes gone out and got really drunk at least 8 or 9 times in the last 2 weeks, on one occasion he got drunk my himself in a hotel room when he was away working!Anyway the thing is I know he used to love me so much, really a lot and he says he still does but that he doesnt know anymore especially as he kissed the other girl which is something he never thought he'd do!Anyway its over now though he diod call over lat week and we ended up kissing, he started it, I can see the hurt,pain, love in his eyes. I know he is my one! I really do!He rung me from his hotel room that time and was really really drunk, in between the slurs he said he loved me but I scared him and was pressurising him too much and he didn't think he would ever make me happy. He only ever tells his true feelings when hes drunk so I do know he still loves me and I understand what hes sayying, I am quite needy and he needs to be on his own a lot!Anyway the thing is he doesnt remember ringing me let alone what he said to me. I've asked him since to delete my number from his phone so he cant ring me again when hes drunk, I can't see us getting back together any time soon and hearing his true feelings is really messing with my head!Do you think we could ever get back together? I really do love him, really really really! Hes my best friend in the world and its obvious that we are both very attracted to eachother! I'm going to try and let him go and stop contact completely because talking to him I can hear the concern/love in his voice and once we hang up I'm much worse than I was before!we really did have something special!I really need advice!Do I just let him go and hope that he gets his head sorted and come running back? But he thinks he'll never make me happy so what if he does want me but thinks someone else will make me happier??? HELP!!!
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 December 2005):
 Did you see them kissing or did he tell you they kissed? The reason I say this is MEN do stupid things but if you caught him it's definately over. If he told you about it then maybe he is really sorry and won't do it again, however telling the one you love is a definate sign that you either want to get rid of them or you TRUST them enough to never lie to them. If the latter of the two is why your in this jam then my suggestion would be the two of you talk (while he's sober) and have an honesty talk. Honesty talks are O.K. it's over and here's all the things I did that you don't know about. Maybe neither one of you DID anything that was so bad you can't work it out. Maybe not. But, either way it's great for your future friendship to start over and get a clean slate because then nothing and I mean NOTHING get's held over each others head. If he said he cheated then that's that. If you did then that's that. In the end you may just be friends but you'll be the best of friends for not hiding the truth from each other. On one occassion I actually feel deeper in love with the girl because she never would tell the truth and when it was over there was no pressure. She told me allot that explained her actions. I loved her more we tried again but it failed only because I love her more as my sister now and not as my significant other. We still communicate but never again as a couple. Yes, I would and still will do anything for her except be with her for a relationship. Honesty makes us change but catching someone in the act of betrayel makes us change and fuel hatred. Talk to him. Good luck. Ed
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