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female
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*hanzie
writes: I'm in love with a man that's in love with me and another woman from his past. He says that he's confused and he's not sure what he wants. He loves me but he loves her to. This has been going on for about 2 months. About 2wks ago he told me that he wanted to be with me and that she was out of the picture. So he and I have been together everyday since then. Well, she called him last night crying she told him that she missed him and that she loved him. I caught him talking on the phone with her and I asked him now what and he said he didn't know. That he's still confused. I don't know if I should fight for him or if I should just walk away. My life these last two months have been the worst I've ever experienced. He knows how much I love him and he knows that I would do anything to make this work. I just feel like such a fool. I can't talk to any of my friends about this again. They know about what's been happening but to tell them that I'm facing this again is humilating. Would someone please give me some advice?
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (21 December 2005):
 Dear, i am sorry u are going through now.
My own advise is that u either leave or should give this guy space.Tell him u love him but he should be able to decide between you and this girl and stick with the decision once and for all. Leave him to make up his mind.if he is really into u and values what u two have, then he should be able to forget about this woman.
Its not good to continue like this. By staying here u just might get hurt and the earlier u sort this out the better. How would u feel if in another five yrs he tells u he has decided he cant live without her and leave u. wont it be better to take a stance now and face the outcome.
You deserve to have someone totally devoted to you and i sincerely wish u the best.Try not to think too much,go out and enjoy yourself with friends.
Have a merry xmas and a happy new year.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 December 2005):
 Tell Mr. Confusion to let you know when he's made his decision but get on with your life. I'm not real optimistic about the future with this guy anyway. Start meeting people and staying busy to help keep your mind off him. If he decides in your favor sometime in the future, you just might not be interested anymore. He kinda sounds like a loser anyway. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): My heart goes out to you. No man should have this type of power over you in a love relationship. Are you worshipping this man or do you truely love him? I define any needy, inappropriate centering of one’s life around someone as worship, especially when it's with a man who can't decide who he loves more. Use some discrimination and realize this man may not be good for your life. Any woman who bases her life plans on a man who can't decide between her and an ex..needs to have a strong dose of reality. Get tough and speak up. Stop your humiliation and make this an either/or situation. If he can't decide, then you need to begin building yourself a new life, one with a future and without him. Sorry...good luck.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 December 2005):
 First of all YOUR friends are there for a reason, so you made a mistake; we all have. Do you think they would throw a victory party if you dumped him. NO! so talking to them is your ego getting in the way. They should not be judgemental as they have made more mistakes than you and that is why they have wisdom you wish to obtain. Secondly ultimatims are not my fortee however, in this case GOD only wants his children to be happy. U honey are not HAPPY! if the last two months have been the worst ever then the next five should kill you. Tell him NOW it's either HER OR YOU and that's that. She should not be allowed to call the house PERIOD. If they don't have children together then there isn't anything to discuss. You are a wonderful woman with lot's to offer any man. Don't waste YOUR time on someone who can't tell where his BREAD IS GETTING BUTTERED AT. CONFUSION MY ASS is all that needs to be said about him. He made his bed no lay down and Shut the F*$K up. Got the point girl now tell him you love him and get out if he don't knock it off. To many men get away with bullsh*t like this. You guy's if your reading this (Grow Up). Good luck. Sincerely Ed
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