A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a long distant relationship for 2 years with my bestfriend of 4 years and I cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend. When my fiance finally came home he broke up with me. He says he does not see me the way he once did. We continued to hang out and I ended up pregnant. We are excited about the pregnancy but we are still separated and he keeps his feelings for me guarded. He doesn't want me talking to other guys, but he makes no attempts on getting back together. He is very helpful with the pregnancy but things between us have changed. I am no longer the love of his life or his bestfriend. I miss us and I love him and I know I really hurt him. How do I get him back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. And yes the baby is his and he knows that for certain.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 July 2009):
 We are not in love with a sack of meat. We fall in love with a person, or rather the person we think someone is.
He might have fallen in love with a girl and then he came back and that girl turned out to be a cheater. In essence, the girl he loved died and you have been unable to take her place.
You two apperently had sex. Yet nothing stronger then sexual attraction developed from his side. Is the baby his? You don't say and considering your actions it is not an automatic assumption. Does he know it is his? For certain?
You told him it was his? How does he know you are not lying once again? That is the problem with broken trust, it makes everything else suspect as well.
If you want to start over, that is exactly what you got to do. Convince him that you are a new person. Not his fiance reborn (you don't want him to see you once again as a would be cheater) but a new person who has made mistakes but has learned from them and won't make them again. You also need to make it clear that he has to make a choice. Either it is over or something new starts. He can't have the sex/friendship without forgiving you for what has happened and trying it again. Sometimes you need to truly break a relationship before it can reforged.
Best of luck, but be prepared for a lot of unresolved hurt.
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (6 July 2009):
 The loss of trust is one of the hardest things to repair and sometimes it doesn't completely heal. There are no guarantees here for you there is no quick solution. If it comes It will take time, a lot of time and even then he will probably still be watchful and wary of you. If you are lucky he will have a big heart, a forgiving soul.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (6 July 2009):
He will have to find it in his heart to forgive you. He doesnt trust you either, neither would I. Sometimes we make mistakes and actually have to deal with the consequences. Good luck to you both.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): Try this first of all. Ask him if he would like to be able to forgive you. If he says yes, if he is unhappy that he can no longer allow himself to love you and trust you, and if he regrets the loss of what he had with you, I think there is still a chance for you both. You can get some advice from a counsellor and both work on rebuilding your relationship. But it has to be a good, viable, happy and loving relationship, not a cold war. It might seem unfair to a lot of people, but your fiance is going to have to do most of the work to rebuild the relationship. He'll have to overcome his anger and distrust - some people can do that, some can't. But if he can't, that doesn't make him a bad person. He'll always be full of anger when he thinks about what you did, but he might be able to learn to hate what you did, and not hate you.
All of that assumes, of course, that he is willing to try.
Good luck to the both of you, and to your baby.
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