A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello PeopleI am married unhappily, and have been seeing this younger guy for 3 years, i am 51, he is 45.We see each other once ot twice weekly, at the beginning he said it was like a FWB relationship, as time has passed, i have got a lot closer to him, but we still do not share a lot of time together.My husband and i have now agreed to separate, he is waiting for a place then he will go, we both agree how incompatible we are.I feel bad for cheating, the lover satisifes me good and sex with him is amazing.For Christmas he gave a ring, he said it was an eternity ring, despite this, i sense more of a distance, this has happened since i told him me and husband are officially splitting.I know he feels guilty, and each time i try to tell him positives about me living on my own, he finds negatives which is dragging me down.I was hoping we would become closer when i am finally separated, but now he seems worried. he does have commitment issues, he is married also, but legally separated and has been for almost 6 years.To be honest my marriage has broken down because i have put all my focus and energy into this lover relationship and neglected my husband.But my lover does not seem to have too much time for me, we see each other twice weekly, sometimes once for maybe 3 hours and even then it is a squeeze, sometimes everything is rushed, other times we wil sit and watch a movie, eat at his place.I am expecting lots of replys telling me how terrible i am for cheating, how disgusting etc etc. * yawnsI know this.But after 3 years i was hoping for more from him, i mean if he didnt care why give me a beautiful ring for Christmas.Part of me hopes that when i finally separate he may have more time with me, but also there is the risk that this may be the same and then i would have lost my marriage.Please advise.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (9 January 2013):
You put your time and effort into a vein attempt to turn an affair into a relationship with a man who has already told you he wants nothing more than FWB. The fact that you are now separating from your husband puts him at risk of you thinking he will be your next love which is not what he was wanting. While you were married it suited him fine.Accept it, you cheated on your husband with a man that only wanted you for sex and you foolishly thought this younger man might develop more feelings for you. Let your husband find someone who loves him and wants to be with him. You on the other hand need to realise you reap what you sow, you are now chasing a man that only wants you for sex and is most likely having sex with lots of other married women too. That's what happens when you cheat and try FWB
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (9 January 2013):
1 - Until you are divorced, you are married. IMO not a grey area here. Depending on where you live, your husband could sue you for adultery, as IMO he should.
2 - That you are available for a relationship now is something he doesnt want. Just having sex with you and letting your husband pay the balance was great, now its over.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 Sorry but your lover was enjoying the no strings attached set-up and now that you are becoming 'available' he has lost interest.
I take it that your relationship with your bf is the reason why you are splitting from your hb?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 January 2013):
Some guys like the chase. He "won", but maybe now the reality isn't very appealing.
It sounds like you already lost your marriage so I'm not sure what exactly has you worried there. If you separate and the boyfriend doesn't pay more attention to you then just be single.
Don't try to mend things with your husband simply because things didn't work out with your boyfriend! If you're going to mend your relationship it should be because you want to be with him. If you want to be with him you shouldn't be leaving him for your boyfriend, you should be mending your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2013):
 Maybe he liked the idea of "dating" a married lady - it means less responsibilities for him, less commitment (obviously) and less work. Now that you have dropped the husband, he feels pressured to "step up" and I don't think he wants too.
After all, if he got in a serious relationship could he trust you? How long til you would cheat on him with someone "better"?
I think he was being totally honest when he said you two had a FWB (or FB) relationship, because THAT is what suited him. And because you WERE married you couldn't really speak against that.
Why is he still married? After being separated for 6 years? That kinda speaks volumes to me at least.
And not to be catty, but,you lost your marriage the day you decided to cheat, you just finally owned up to it, after 3 years.
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