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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone!Thank you so much for taking the time out for reading this and helping me through this difficult time in my life, I am 22 and am feeling pretty hopeless at the moment.i just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months because of a few reasons one of them was when i was joking around with him about something he turned at looked at me and called me a F****** Retard this isn't the first time something like this had happen or at least not that bad. I had told him i dont want to be talked to like that since my last relationship was verbally abusive.the second reason was him being to controlling and i just got to the point of being suffocated, i have never cheated and never will and never ever gave him a reason too, i would know because i am very aware of what i say and do.things started off wonderful in our relationship he was the best guy i ever met and we clicked and instantly fell in love, he started looking through my phone, text emails and browsing history on my computer, i told him four or five times that it made me feel like he didnt trust me and told him i have nothing to hide..he kept doing it, he started questioning me when i didn't tell him i was going tanning or going on a bike ride he said " that is a major cause for concern" i didn't understand because i told him right after i did it, he also questions me i didn't text or call him right back.He also got made at me for playing a video game with his best friend, because i wasn't looking at him enough, accused me at looking at waiters that we had when we went out to eat, i was told i couldn't go to a certain place to eat because he said they guy was flirting with, he hated when guys made me laugh and told me he doesn't want any other guys to make me laugh ...and many for issues such as these have happened. I did talk to him about these things and how silly it was and there was no one else for me but him but he didn't listen because they still kept coming up.I am so sorry this was so long, I just broke up with him and am feeling extremely down, if anyone out there has words of encouragement I would appreciate more than you would know..I hope I made the right decision, Did I??? please help!!thank you so much for your time and advice!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): Listen to the country song, better than I used to be. Maybe your past is clouding your judgement. Don't put pressure on him to be everything your past boyfriend wasn't. I did that to a boyfriend once and it turned out terrible. Let yourself learn from the past but don't expect him to be the best person all the time. Sounds like there was some pressure on him to be different than your ex. And it sounds like you let him know it too. You need to give him a chance to prove your past wrong. Not every guy is like your previous bf. You two do have hope, you just can't pressure him to be better than the best, sounds like he can be that, judging from what you said he was in the beginning.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 I think you are very wise to be strong and continue to stay away from him.
calling you names is never right
accusing you of watching other men is insecurity on his part
you can't fix that
the whole issue about not watching him enough when you are playing a game is his insecurity.
your gut tells you that it's wrong to be with him and trust that gut feeling...
be strong continue to say NO to seeing him... eventually he will stop. you deserve a man who loves himself enough to trust you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): I like to think there is two sides to every story. Insecurities fade away when a relationship is given the chance to progress. Sounds like you both just need to take it slow. I don't think this is something to just write off. You might regret it long term. Breaks occur in many relationships and most of the time it provides a good time to get back to the basics. Try talking with him and just see where it goes. Nothing lost there. You might lose more than you think. Focus on the pros of the relationship you share with him and build on those. The cons will fade away if you show him you are committed to making this relationship work. I wouldn't give up after five months. You said you are in love...let love be then :) I agree with the others...start with a communicative relationship and see if he has it in him to change. If not nothing lost, you will have a more clear head and heart that way! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): If you did this to him, what would you want? You know how much you love him. I'm sure he loves you too. So do what you would want him to do in this situation.. Do the right thing, see him through fully. I know it sounds like something you wouldn't want to do, but give him the benefit of the doubt! It might be worth it in the end!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Hi there! My husband and I went through things like this. We were both a little unsure of each other at first and kind of took each other for granted. We took about a month break and then started to talk again. We appreciated each other more and we grew together from it. I was in the same boat as you, not knowing. But I really thought my boyfriend (at the time, now my hubby) was the person God planned for me. I gave him the chance and I am really glad I did! If you have any doubt in this decision the least you can do is talk about it with him. If you completely shut him out any longer you might regret it. Don't live with regrets! If you think he can be the person you know he is, give him that chance to really show you! You might be the person he needs just as much as he is the person you need! Sometimes God has a goofy way of showing us the path we should take, giving him a chance might be the path for you, if you don't try how will you honestly know? Give it a chance see how your lives mesh back together after a break. For us it was the God given time to grow and learn to appreciate one another. I wouldn't just give up. Sounds like you both truly love one another. Build from that! Keep us posted! :) I told my hubby about this and he hopes you give him a chance. He is a very good man, just needed a little time and space to become who he really was! I'm grateful for giving him the 'last chance' so to speak! Please give the update! I really trust you two can go down the road my hubby and I did!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): Honestly,I think you both seem confused. I wouldn't let your past relationship interfere with this one. What I would do is ease into a communicative relationship and see where things go. You don't have to invest much just give it a chance. I know I'm the only one giving this advice but my wife of 11 years and I went through things like this. Best decision I ever made was to just put everything aside and just see where it can go and never look back. You said he is the one for you, right? Give it a shot! If he doesn't change, at least you know forever. Otherwise if you wait to long this one might be the one that got away. How long have you been apart? I would slowly ease into a talking relationship, truly use this time to develop a friendship with him. You might be glad you did in the future, I know I am! Trust me, you and him DO have the potential to make things great forever! Just takes a little faith. You seem very connected to him! Trust in that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Everyone!!
Thank you so much for your kind words and support that means the world to me for a quick update he tried to get me to meet him for dinner to talk and I was strong and told him no that I would rather not talk or see him.
Thank you again you guys made all the difference you will never know how much your responses were to me!:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): Hi. Yes of course you made the right decision. Well done for having the strength of character to remove this person from your life. You have done the hard part, now it is a question of hanging in there for a while and not being tempted to go back to such a disfunctional person.
Things were good at the start because although this person has problems, he knows he wont secure a girl by being his true self too early. So he went on a charm mission to sweep you off your feet and secure your feelings for him. Which he probably did quite successfully. You developed feelings for him...because he was showing you this really nice guy and tricking you into developing feelings for him. It was a pretense while he hid his true colours for later. He was hiding who he really is because he knows if he had met you on a first date, called you a F.. R.. and gone through your phone...you would have run for the hills! So you were courted by deception.
The longer you had stayed with him, the worse it would have become. So kudos to you for leaving before he had a chance to do too much damage.
Please dont be tempted to go back if he snivels and whines about how much he really loves you. Its all BS just like his `performance` when he met you. And please do not kid yourself that dumping him for a while will teach him a lesson! The only lesson you will be teaching him if you go back now is the one that says, you will accept and forgive crappy treatment and keep taking him back afterwards.
He is a lost cause, he is NOT the person you thought you had met.
Keep walking and dont look back. I have done it myself and trust me. Bad as it feels right now. It is infinitely better than staying with someone like him!
It is understandable to grieve for the person you thought you had met. I am sure HE was wonderful but sadly HE doesnt exist. If you can take that on board, losing this manipulator will be easier to cope with x
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female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Don't worry, feeling down after a broken relationship is normal, no matter what kind of relationship you have come out of. Give yourself plenty of time to clear your heart and head.
I am worried that you are considering giving him a second chance. DON'T!! Don't let yourself be talked into giving this frightening tyrant another opportunity to smother or abuse you.
As far as he is concerned, it's a tragedy that you can't put a sign on him to warn other young women: DANGER. ABUSIVE CREEP. KEEP CLEAR.
As far as you're concerned, you could easily find a boyfriend who would freely give you the love and respect that you deserve.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 You made the right decision. No one should have to put up with abusive conduct or unreasonable jealousy. You will definitely find someone who deserves your commitment. He was clearly not the one. Now don't let him persuade you otherwise and don't go back to him or ir could turn out to be a huge mistake!
Cheer up! Better things are on their way!
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A
female
reader, JaneSmith2012  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Absolutely yes .
As for you feeling low about this .. you did the right thing ..stick to your descision and cheer up ..
and dont put up with any kind of abuse or let anyone take you for granted .Ever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): "I hope I made the right decision by breaking up with my boyfriend for being controlling and abusive"
What other potential reason(s) for breaking up with him could you have chosen?.
Yes, you made the right decision but since you're already waffling that does not bode well for the future, betting he'll somehow convince you to change your mind and give him "one more chance" by week's end.
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