A
male
age
41-50,
*onedas
writes:Hi, I'm a 27 year old guy. I'm a virgin, and for the last few years have been getting concerned about my situation. I haven't really gone out much in my twenties. But do enjoy it when I do get out. I have kinda withdrawn a bit.It's not that I'm not good looking. I have had many girls over the years show interest. But I haven't had the nerve to take it further. I am athletic solid, tanned good looking in general. So it's more the way I have been within myself thats has caused this situation. I'm not really shy. I do have confidence in some areas. Just too modest maybe. I didn't want to be a virgin any more. So Just this weekend I drove out of town, and booked a private escort at her motel. I've never wanted to do this. This was a last resort. I wasn't really horny of sorts. Just wanted this done with. I wasn't too nervous, I just drunk a bottle of wine before I saw her. Just to help me get into the mood. When I got there, she was friendly and attractive. There was nothing wrong with her it was me. For some reason I couldn't get an erection.I tried and she tried for an hour to get me hard so we could have intercourse. But it was just dead down stairs. This was extremely frustrating and awkward. I didn't think I would have trouble with this as I can get a good hard on when masturbating on my own.Many would put this down to anxiety. This is for a part true. But I think there could be something more complex going on. I have had operations for ingroin hernias, a hydra seal op, and was told some years ago I have narrowing of the uretha. I worry this could have something to do with it.Does anyone have any advice on what could be going wrong?Cheers.
View related questions:
confidence, drunk, erection, escort, horny, prostitute, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, fringo  +, writes (22 January 2015):
This is a common problem. Most guys can't produce an erection with a strange woman. The thing is too in my experience is they take control, thus emasculating the man. Find a nice girl. Be lucky.
A
male
reader, tonedas +, writes (25 May 2009):
tonedas is verified as being by the original poster of the question I just want to add. I know a bottle of wine might sound like I was wasted at the time. But seriously I was feeling pretty normal. Just a bit more relaxed.
But I do feel this wasn't the best method before a situation like this. Not drinking a complete bottle anyway.
Thanks for all your advice.
...............................
A
male
reader, Who  +, writes (24 May 2009):
 “I've never wanted to do this. ... I wasn't really horny of sorts.… I just drunk a bottle of wine before I saw her.”
I’m guessing that this is what caused things to go wrong.
“I can get a good hard on when masturbating on my own.”
I’m not a doctor of course, but if I were in your situation I would be thinking it was not a medical problem. When you had your operations for ingroin hernias and hydra seal, did they tell you this could be a side effect? You can also try to find out on Google if your medical condition could cause the problem.
Anyway I have had this problem too (once with the most beautiful woman I had ever been with and it was all I could not to scream “I don’t believe this is happening.”) and sometimes you can’t figure out why. You just have to relax and work on setting the right mood and situation next time.
“I have had many girls over the years show interest. But I haven't had the nerve to take it further.”
This, I believe, is your core problem. It was my problem too when I was about your age. A lot of men solve this by having sex with a prostitute to lose their virginity. And for a lot of those men it works; it gives them the confidence to be able to talk to and relate to women, and to start relationships. You could try an escort again and it might work for you. I can suggest trying it in a different setting if there is a next time. Some places (like strip clubs or bars) the working girls sit and talk to the client before a deal is made. You usually pay for their time to talk with you (buying them over priced drinks, etc.) They are in it for the money of course and will tell you what they think you want to hear at first, but is you are laid back enough you can sometimes get them to drop their act a bit and be a little friendly. You may find this is a better experience for you.
I can make a couple of other suggestions to help get “the nerve to take it further.”
1. If you are having trouble talking to women, practice with women you are not trying to pick up. Like check-out and sales girls in shops, and you co-workers. See if you can chat a bit beyond the basics of what you have to say to them. Try to say something funny or give them a complaint without them feeling awkward. End the conversation nicely and walk away. After you can pull this off successfully more often than not, try it with women whom you are trying to pick up, or get to know better.
2. Make you live and you self more interesting. Do activities with other people, like volunteer work, maybe on a political campaign. Join a church or activity group. Interact with different people in different setting every day. It should not be only “going out.” I know this does not seem to you to be solving the problem you have, but I’m guessing it will. Become a more social person and taking things further with women will come automatically and naturally.
Good luck and hope this helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, tonedas +, writes (24 May 2009):
tonedas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your honest advice, and kindness. I appreciate it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (24 May 2009):
 Well alcohol can have this effect on men to, but it could be something more serious so you should talk to your doctor.....its a common thing for men to not be able to get erections or lose them.....i think when your with someone you really like then it should be much more natural when getting an erection but an escort there is so much pressure as you dont know her, she doesnt know you, shes just getting paid, no emotion there.....maybe talk to some friends about it, im sure one of them has had this problem before....but i dont think you should go down the escort path.....find out if this is a medical problem....if not then you need to focus on dating building your confidence up and meeting the right lady who will help you through this!
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (24 May 2009):
 I don't think this is that unusual. It seems like you were pinning a lot on this. That alone can be enough to put you off. The girl probably would have been a stranger too which doesn't help.
Some men take a Viagra to get over the hurdle. The thing about this drug is you have to have some attraction first to set it off. Once you are up then you could be that way for hours. Perhaps you could watch an appropriate movie with her to get things started.
...............................
|
