A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I'm 22 and I'm in a healthy and happy 2 years relationship with a girl. Everything is fine, but I hide something to her: at 16, I started to crossdress and I created that other side of me. I gave that side a name, buying myself girl clothes, talking to people online, fantasize about meeting some guys (never done it though).It's really like having a double life, someone else living in me. When I'm in my "normal" life, I think being that other person is stupid and I should forget that (I trashed my clothes many times). But when I get back on my girl side, I get really excited and I need to do more. It's going in phases: sometimes I crossdress for 4-5 months, and I can completely stop for 6-7-8 months (even a year).Recently I moved with my girlfriend, forgetting my girl side for a long time. But I start that it's slowly coming back.I know that I can have a very happy life with my girlfriend, but this side of me is always on and off in me. I'm afraid that if I talk to her about it, she just want to stop seeing me. I'm trying to get in her place, and I think would be really weirded out if I learned something like this.Help!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): Hey how are ya, I'm a guy in my mid 30 with a very similar story. I also realized I had a feminine side around sixteen. Incidentally I also met my now wife and started dating back then. I kept my girl side completely from her for probably the first 15 years we were together. It was so difficult to do and it made me feel very unfulfilled. I eventually sdlowly began to feel her out on the subject. She seemed okay at first but then kind of freaked out a bit as if I had turned her whole life upside down. I totally backed off and made sure I reassured her that I was still the man she fell in love with. It took over a year for her to finally realize that it was just apart of me and not a full time desire. Now she actually shops for me with out me even asking her to. For me I guess it worked out in the end but I will be honest it didn't happen overnight and boy was there some emotional and trying times! Just be aware that society looks at us with disdain. Even gays and lesbians look at us and say freek. There are some people of course that are enlightened enough but the general public hasn't a clue how to deal with us. Just be prepared if you tell her. She likely won't understand right away. If your relationship is strong enough however then you two will get through it. Just be sure to keep her feelings, fears and in securities in mind. Good luck and I hope it works out for you!
A
female
reader, Cutter  +, writes (25 September 2011):
Hi, I can relate to your problem, I used to male cross dress and at the time had a boyfriend. I explained it to him, and he was bi so he didn't mind at all, it just depends on your partner. If your girl side is an important part of you, you should let your gf know. W
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I know absolutely nothing about leading a double life (except for it's not healthy and confusing for that person trying to live both) or cross dressing.
What I do know is that if you told your girlfriend about this she would dump you.
It doesn't sound like it's in your best interest to be in a relationship right now. Especially if you're trying to hide something that's a part of you (maybe temporary) from your girlfriend. That part sounds like it's going to come out sooner or later and ruin your relationship.
So you can either dump your girlfriend and let this side back out to play. Or you can keep it contained for as long as you can. Perhaps, seek some mental counseling for why you are living this double life and maybe the counselor can help you choose a life instead of trying to keep up with both.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I think this is something you should've discussed before moving in, but too late for that. Just sit her down(sorry if I'm making it sound too easy cause I'm sure it's not), and tell her about this. After two years, you should be comfortable enough to discuss something like this with her. Even though it may not be comfortable for her, she needs to know so you can be comfortable with yourself. Don't get mad if she doesn't understand right away because she never expected this from you and she won't know her feelings on this right away. This is a big part of you, so don't put off telling her. If she can accept it, then great. If not, then you need to decide if you can keep the girl side of you to yourself(not showing it physically) during this relationship. Does anyone else know about this? If someone does, then maybe you can share your girly side with them and shop with them sometimes, if they're open to it. That way, you can be who you are, and your girlfriend doesn't have to deal with it if she's not comfortable with it. If no one else knows, then it's really important that you tell her. I hope she understands because you shouldn't have to hide who you are with the person you love. I hope this helps.
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